tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85988629453906120192024-02-20T15:32:51.755-08:00thoughts of a doctor's wifeattempting to not only survive these years, but also to enjoy them and possibly contribute... something...Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.comBlogger460125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-67249691211768017282017-08-15T12:14:00.003-07:002017-08-15T12:14:53.597-07:00Anesthesia Oral BoardsI recently received a comment request and was surprised because I have not posted on this blog in such a long time. The comment came from someone dating a physician. Her sincere concerns caused me to reflect on the years of training and the challenges therein.<br />
<br />
I felt impressed to look at my blog again.<br />
<br />
I found this post buried from years ago.<br />
<br />
Oral Boards.<br />
<br />
Two words that can strike great fear in one's heart, whether in anticipation or in recollection. While my husband was studying for his oral boards, he actually developed some sort of weird auto immune disease. It quickly disappeared after he completed them. It was such a stressful time. He studied every minute possible, he met together with other residents and studied late into the night, he set up practice boards with multiple faculty members, and he was continuously listening to oral board review CD's any time that he could. We went to visit family one Sunday and he, (as well as the rest of us in the family who were sitting in the minivan during the drive), listened to his CD's there and back.<br />
<br />
I thought about writing up a synopsis of what happens during an oral board exam but found a great description here: <a href="http://theanesthesiaconsultant.com/2013/08/22/advice-for-passing-the-oral-board-exams-in-anesthesiology/">Advice for Passing the Oral Board Exams in Anesthesiology</a>. Please note that this advice is specifically for Anesthesia Oral Boards.<br />
<br />
Here are the main bullet points that are made on the website referenced above:<br />
<br />
Preparation:<br />
<br />
1. Read <i>Miller's Anesthesia</i> cover to cover.<br />
2. Be well trained. Work hard during residency. Do challenging cases, study and read about those cases before and after the anesthetic. Attend the department lectures, and mortality and morbidity conferences.<br />
3. Download and memorize the algorithms in the <i>Stanford Emergency Manual/Cognitive Aid for Perioperative Critical Events</i>.<br />
4. Set up mock-oral practice exams.<br />
<br />
Some interesting advice from the website:<br />
1. Try not to ask questions. Use your time to answer questions.<br />
2. There is no one right answer for most clinical scenario questions. Be prepared to justify who you chose the plan you chose.<br />
3. If you don't know an answer it's better to say "I don't know" than to blunder and guess.<br />
4. Make eye contact with the examiner throughout.<br />
<br />
It is incredible to read through the example of cases and all of the possible follow up questions involving preoperative management and intraoperative management.<br />
<br />
There is great information on the<span style="color: red;"> <a href="http://www.theaba.org/Exams/Traditional-Part-2/About-Traditional-Part-2" target="_blank">ABA</a></span> website as well, including videos of what to expect during Oral Board exams.<br />
<br />
Phew. So grateful my husband go through that. It was stressful for me just to read all of this information.<br />
<br />
Good luck if you are currently preparing to take your oral boards!Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-75628915362992835402014-12-22T09:31:00.001-08:002014-12-22T09:31:14.336-08:00sweeping the floor... the huge floorAfter fellowship my husband and I moved to a city where the cost of living is much less than anywhere we've ever lived. The housing, food, gasoline, soccer camps, music lessons, utilities, everything is cheaper... not to mention we hardly drive much because it is a smaller city, so we don't need to gas up like we did before. The low housing prices meant that we could purchase a large home for our growing kids for an extremely reasonable price (to be fair I should mention that we are coming from Seattle, where real estate is ridiculously expensive, so our perspective is probably a little warped). Anyways, we found a pretty house with gorgeous dark wood plank floors.<br />
<br />
Of course I fell in love with the floors.<br />
<br />
But, these floors cover nearly half the house, large living area, dining area, kitchen, hallways, sitting room...and they need to be swept often, (like every few minutes), because one can easily spot every tiny little spec that has fallen on them. Of course I don't sweep that often, so by the time I sweep (usually within 12 hours or I start going crazy) it takes a long time to sweep all of the floors.<br />
<br />
Many people have asked me if we plan to hire a maid now that my husband is done with training, and maybe because they notice the tiny little specs accumulating on my floor. Of course I've always been repulsed by the idea of hiring someone to clean my house - I have issues, I guess. I hate the idea of people cleaning up after me and always have. Plus, I've always held firm the idea that it is my responsibility to teach my kids how to work, and what is better than for them to help me clean our house? I can't think of anything better... since we don't have a farm.<br />
<br />
Today I had to sweep my floor. It was filthy. Dust flew everywhere. I had waited for days to sweep because I was sick and then two of my kids were sick. By the time I had finished sweeping, I had completely rationalized the idea of having someone come clean my house, and in particular, my floors. My reasoning included ideas such as how I should be sympathetic to people who desperately need cleaning jobs, who were not able to attend school but are hard working individuals that need employment; how good it would be for our small city's economy; how I could spend so much more time volunteering in the community if I didn't have to spend so much time cleaning my wood floors.<br />
<br />
Holy cow.<br />
<br />
Now that I've thought through it and written all of this down, I've changed my mind, I've decided to teach my 7-year old how to sweep, and how to sweep well. This will be his new chore, every other day, required for his weekly allowance. I've created a new job chart for my kids in general. I desperately want to move back into our small and manageable house where we lived during medical school. Of course my husband and family like this house, so they will have to help me, daily, to clean it.<br />
<br />
It's amazing how powerful the brain is in our decision making and eventually the choices we make. Sometimes I wonder why my brain is so weak, It must be because Christmas is only a few days away. Yes, stress leads us to make crazy decisions.<br />
<br />
Luckily I thought this one through before I made any drastic moves.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-57039680922802770762014-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:002014-11-11T09:15:45.687-08:00and now it's been 3.5 months...<br />
Okay, I have to be honest, life after residency seems.... uh... very... similar.<br />
<br />
A close friend had warned me about that years ago, but of course I shook off the thought of it... especially since my expectations of life after residency were <i>literally carrying me</i> - at times - through the experiences of residency.<br />
<br />
But to be honest, I feel certain that much of our survival during residency was possible because of our faith. I had an incredibly optimistic view of life. Maybe it was a way for me to be compelled to pray, to be humble, to seek strength from God, and to move forward in faith. Lately many of my friends have started questioning our faith. Because of all that I have been through with the Savior during the last five years of residency and fellowship, I feel more certainty than ever.<br />
<br />
So, would I want to go through it all over again?<br />
<br />
Yes, definitely.<br />
<br />
Could I have done it without my faith and hope in and love for my Savior?<br />
<br />
No, definitely not. <br />
<br />
There are a lot of questions about the LDS faith. This is a thoughtful <a href="http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/temple-garments">explanation</a> about garments worn by some Latter-day Saints. There is so much meaning and depth in thoughtful, regular worship. I cannot imagine going without all of those moments of introspection and supplication to the Lord, contemplation on scriptural teachings, and feelings of peace, strength, love, hope that I received during the darkest and loneliest moments.<br />
<br />
But, I am grateful it is over?<br />
<br />
Yes.<br />
<br />
Definitely.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-28114027459047397462014-07-29T06:03:00.001-07:002014-07-29T06:03:38.847-07:00a memorable move One week. It's been one week since we moved.<br />
<br />
I will never forget the experience our family had while moving from residency to my husband's first "real" job. After staying two and a half weeks with my in-laws, (which was honestly like *<i>heaven</i>* - my mother-in-law cooked for me and even did my laundry a few times, kept my kids happy, fed them while I slept in... <i>I know</i>!), a huge going-away-party that a friend planned for our family, (lots of hugs and sad goodbyes), one week at the beach with my family while my husband finished his fellowship, (also deeply relaxing with long runs along the empty beach, my sister's baby to cuddle with, delicious meals made by my sister, more sleeping in while my sister fed my kids breakfast in the mornings... <i>I know - I love her so much!</i>), three days of driving 18-hours (my husband in his car with two kids and me in my van with two kids), four days at my husband's family reunion, (lots of little second cousins pulling my kids in different directions which allowed for fun adult conversations, lots of hugs, surrounded by people who love us and care about our family), and finally we arrived to our new home.<br />
<br />
It was exhausting! We felt like sleeping for a month. But, within two days my husband's grandfather passed away (who lived just two miles from our new home). We spent time with him (my husband would not leave his side). We visited with family. We cried. And we tried to find time to unpack. We finally attended church after five days here and our kids were delighted to meet some friends.<br />
<br />
One month. It took us one month to move 18 hours away.<br />
<br />
I hope this is the city and home that we choose to live in - <i>forever</i>. I honestly <i>never, ever</i> want to move again.<br />
<br />
I'll post some pictures eventually. But right now the house is pretty empty. And it will stay that way for a while. My husband's first pay check doesn't come until the end of September, and we are <i>just </i>barely out of residency and fellowship - the financially tightest five years of our lives.<br />
<br />
But,<i> but</i>, we survived those five years. We are still married. And, we are still happy. Very, very happy.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-28009413565682972612014-05-19T23:26:00.001-07:002014-05-19T23:26:48.004-07:00the last 9 yards... I mean, 9 weeks...Everyone told us this would be the hardest year.<br />
<br />
Well, that's not exactly true. Everyone said that the last year of residency would be the hardest. Apparently we made it through that year fine though. Well... that was actually a very trying year that I have mostly tried to forget... but somehow we dug deep enough to invite another year of training. Maybe we wanted to prolong that last year of training? - or double it? Revel in it? Whatever our reasons - or lack of reasoning - we added another year. and my husband is doing a fellowship. And right now, only nine weeks until he is completely finished, things are getting <i>interesting</i>.<br />
<br />
We had no idea it could be this challenging.<br />
<br />
Mentally. Financially. Emotionally. Physically. Intellectually.<br />
<br />
Ok, let's start with the financial aspect of it, (because we all know that financial stress messes with and exacerbates all of the other things listed above).<br />
<br />
This is an expensive year. Extremely expensive. We, (well, I - my husband does not agree) should have applied to at least two credit cards last year, when our credit scores were <i>awesome</i>.<br />
<br />
We should have sat down and looked at all of the projected expenses for the year. The interview costs (ohmygoodness!), the expenses of the Boards (books, travel, $2,000 exam fee, etc.), moving costs, attorneys fees, licensing fees (how many of these are there??), etc. etc. etc.<br />
<br />
Somehow we should have foreseen that our van would need over $5,000 in repairs this year. We also should have predicted that our family would require over $2,500 in dental treatments - (what??? - I know!) We should not have put our two older kids in ski school.<br />
<br />
It feels like we are on a roller coaster, but not a very fun one. This roller coaster just continues going down a steep drop. And while we know there is a bottom to our reckless and exhilarating drop, it is not an enjoyable feeling as we now keep waiting and anticipating to hit a curve or a bend... or something - just so that we can take a breath and recoup.<br />
<br />
But it doesn't come.<br />
<br />
Nine weeks. <br />
<br />
So that is my advice. Get an extra line of credit before the last year of training. One with no fees for a year. Or something. Just in case. Maybe you won't have to use it. It'll just be there for you - <i>in case</i>.<br />
<br />
The other night my husband said, <i>What are we going to do</i>? I said, <i>Let's just try to be nice to each other.</i> <br />
<br />
So we are being nice. And that is good advice too for the last year of training. I think. There is so much going on inside, so many worries, thoughts, expectations, etc. Yes... just be nice to each other.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-91905895605044474522013-12-30T23:19:00.000-08:002013-12-30T23:19:03.043-08:00"...we stay in... we keep working... we keep believing..."My emotions are bundled up and overwhelmed with worries about finances... again. It is amazing how immobilized I feel when I start worrying. I can hardly function. I barely made it out of my pajamas today before my husband came home - from a 14 out of 24-hour work day. I'm sure there is a medical term for my inability to function... but I don't want my husband analyzing me so I don't think I'll ask him about it.<br />
<br />
After I realized how tied up I was (and finished cleaning the entire house), I started to read. I grabbed every book that I could find that I had started reading in the last few months but never finished (it's a bad habit...). I let my kids build floating contraptions, make bubbles in the bathtub and turn on a huge fan to simulate an ocean storm. I let them play football and soccer in the house. I served leftovers for dinner... and cereal for breakfast. It was not a day I would like to brag about - ever. I just needed to read - to immerse myself - to distract myself.<br />
<br />
Then I read these words: "We can't worry about what might have happened. All we can do is keep looking." (In '<i>Because of Winn-Dixie</i>' - a book my daughter told me to read because she liked it so much).<br />
<br />
Suddenly I was reminded of how destructive worrying is, what a waste of energy it truly is, that I can actually choose whether or not to worry, it is an action, an activity. And I suddenly felt calm inside. I decided to stop worrying. I knew I just needed to keep moving, continueing to work to take care of my family, play with my kids, be happy, have faith, and stop wasting my time and energy worrying about the future.<br />
<br />
This is a neat video... I really like the lessons at the end.<br />
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<br />
"We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, "I told you it'd be ok, I told you it would be all right." <br />
<br />
I just love that.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-84788996740040294822013-11-14T19:10:00.001-08:002013-11-14T19:10:55.485-08:00choosing the next adventure...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqVQYnuWW6mTSg977BcqHGrRnsa8OQbNBu4y72RlAXnWQ7BTzmRZST9Qj4QFfj6GCIDj2kfWegG4yg5M2ayATQvfGjeqQ_YxYBrrs2miY4odLYA6QaRuH8jxHUQz_58yFz6W1zZ2zi_mQ/s1600/P7200184.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqVQYnuWW6mTSg977BcqHGrRnsa8OQbNBu4y72RlAXnWQ7BTzmRZST9Qj4QFfj6GCIDj2kfWegG4yg5M2ayATQvfGjeqQ_YxYBrrs2miY4odLYA6QaRuH8jxHUQz_58yFz6W1zZ2zi_mQ/s320/P7200184.JPG" width="240" /></a>The other day I was reading a continuing education booklet for a local community college. (It was a little slow... I was working at a nearby high school as a general sub (not a teacher). It is an on-call position that is very flexible and allows me to make a little extra money while my youngest child is at preschool during the day... and sometimes my responsibilities are not too demanding of my time or focus... anyways, I can't handle sitting still without something to read...)<br />
<br />
I found this thought as I read through the booklet: <i>"The happiest people may be those who've realized that it's worth seeking out novel experiences that promote growth even if they present a challenge."</i> This thought was part of a brief article titled: <i>"Recipe for Maximum Happiness: Feed your curiosity, meet a challenge, pursue your purpose."</i><br />
<br />
As I read this thought, (amidst our current discussions surrounding which job my husband should take after completing his residency and fellowship this year), I was moved deeply. I consider myself a very capable person (okay, <i>only</i> with regards to handling challenges and pursuing difficult experiences... which often are because of mistakes I've made, or are due to my totally unrealistic optimistic attitude about, well, everything...). However, I also really like stability and really, really dislike surprises... and change, in general. My attempt to control the present situation, to methodically reason through pros and cons of our options, to make a good choice, is somewhat comical. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5GaoLACoEl0NFCS1noajRj8G5SP0zCmAO3LBvtX0IfCdUg5xD5TawKWDC_80lwqf-yCkEIUkaDvR0GfWtCNl6othyHfgITR9FMXmZ-ChDfCBaAsVtQG2BBLBkXmfmnc2CwEbwtecyE1Q/s1600/P7220211.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5GaoLACoEl0NFCS1noajRj8G5SP0zCmAO3LBvtX0IfCdUg5xD5TawKWDC_80lwqf-yCkEIUkaDvR0GfWtCNl6othyHfgITR9FMXmZ-ChDfCBaAsVtQG2BBLBkXmfmnc2CwEbwtecyE1Q/s320/P7220211.JPG" width="320" /></a>The day that I read this booklet I was praying hard, fasting, and completely focused on receiving an answer. It was interesting to me how this thought impacted me. I felt strongly that I should not be so resistant to change and unfamiliar territory, that I should focus more on the needs of others rather than my own, that I should be less prideful. These feelings were powerful, and changed me enough for me to open my heart and accept new ways of seeing the needs of others and the potential experiences for our family, post medical training. All along I was seeking an answer from God, I wanted to be told what to do so that I could know with absolute certainty that everything that would happen (good and bad) was "meant to be". However, it quickly became clear one day after fruitless attempts to receive an answer, that my life is like a <i>Choose Your Own Adventure</i> book... which doesn't bode well with my strong inability to make decisions, in addition to my tendency to endlessly question every decision that I (ever) make in life.<br />
<br />
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I know how important it is to "disrupt ourselves" often, that this creates valuable opportunities for learning and growth. But, it is so hard for me! I love how my kids just attacked this hike (pictures), exploring without fear, even climbing down "the Crack" to shimmy their way down in the dark slot canyon. I hope I can strengthen my adventurous side... maybe I can borrow some from my kids.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-59249242572745322322013-10-30T20:54:00.001-07:002013-10-30T20:54:51.632-07:00interviewing for a job... finally...Interviewing for a job - post-training - is not quite what I thought it would be like. Of course, I didn't join my husband on any of his previous interview trips - those for med school, residency, fellowship - so much of this is very new for me.<br />
<br />
My husband applied to many places... but let me just mention here that, in particular, the places on his list seem to all have a few common themes: they have at some point made their way into his <i>Bicycling</i> magazines, their population is less than 100,000 people, and they provide a plethora of outdoor hobbies and adventures. <br />
<br />
The first interview trip was very stressful for me, for many reasons: leaving my four children with multiple individuals to scramble through their hectic schedule; I actually had to go to a mall to look for an outfit that I could wear to the dinner with spouses (I do not <i>enjoy</i> the mall, to put it lightly); watching myself spending money (we did not have) on flights, hotels, rental car, food on the go, etc. - not to mention my outfit at the mall. I was also constantly transporting my husband from one location to the next and had to be close by when he needed the car. (In addition, during the trip I was finishing up writing three grants for my kids' elementary school, researching neighborhoods, crime statistics, schools, etc. because I had procrastinated just a bit.) I came back completed exhausted, grateful that it would be the one and only interview trip with my husband.<br />
<br />
But, the next interview trip came along quickly. My husband promised me a beach house (ya right, but it was a sweet gesture) if I came along - because I told him I would only be joining him for one. This trip was nice, however (yes, I gave in and went). I took along a book. I already had my outfit (down to the earrings, shoes, hairstyle) planned out (it was the same as the first interview - exactly). I knew what to expect. I was ready for all of their questions. I was more relaxed. I knew exactly what I needed to do, and how to do it. It was all very nice. I even went trail running while my husband was interviewing (an important part of my "research" of the city).<br />
<br />
We just got home late last night from the second interview trip. Things seem crazy now. Now that we have choices. We would have been happy with one choice, but now we are completely confused and unhappy with two choices staring at us. Interesting. Sometimes I feel so mixed up inside and start worrying (much more than I think is healthy) about making the wrong choice. Other times I stand back and think that it is not such a big deal - we've always loved where we have lived and found wonderful people around us - and we can always move again. Why does it feel like such a huge deal to actually accept a job, now that my husband is almost finished with his medical training? <br />
<br />
An extra little tidbit of information that seems important to include: my husband will not start his job until late this coming summer - meaning that all of the interviewing, deliberation, praying, intense discussions, stress, does not mean that we are moving right now. It does mean that we need to be making the decision... but we are discovering that this is difficult with older children... especially since the anticipation for them is just as bad as the actual move. It seems to be making our 11-year old son crazy. He does not want to leave his friends. I think somehow my husband and I need to figure out a way to <i>stop talking about where he will take a job</i> and the fact that we will be moving. Completely stop. Until my husband's start date is a week away, then we will bring it up casually, quickly move and then be done. <br />
<br />
The poor kids.<br />
<br />
So maybe this decision is a huge deal, maybe we do need to make "the right choice", because I can't imagine doing this to the kids again... ever. We need to stay somewhere at least 14 years - that is when our youngest will turn 18-years old. 14 years. Anyone can survive anywhere for 14 years, right?Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-75665239397751752992013-08-08T15:27:00.000-07:002013-08-08T16:23:50.524-07:00food, France, and financesIt's been more than three months now since I began eliminating processed foods, sugars and breads from my diet. The first few weeks were the most difficult (and, honestly, it is still challenging sometimes)... but the experience overall has definitely been worth it. I have felt empowered and healthy, truly healthy, inside. I have lost inches, pounds, and everyone tells me I look much thinner and healthier. I had no idea that the effects of a healthier diet would be so noticeable, for me on the inside as well as for others on my outside.<br />
<br />
Recently, (as mentioned in the post below), I went home to visit my parents for a few weeks. It was a great respite from the exciting spring we had as a family, being asked by our landlord to move and then told we could stay for one more year (after I packed up half the house). I also volunteered to be the treasurer for my son's select soccer team (26 boys) after a long deliberation by my son about whether to play select or premier soccer this year. I also volunteered to take charge of fundraising for my children's elementary school as a member of the PTA executive board, and began attending meetings and trainings.<br />
<br />
(My little 4-year old niece took this picture of me during our family reunion. My face/hair looks crazy but it shows my figure a little bit...)<br />
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After my husband took his boards and began his fellowship, I returned home with my kids... against my better judgement, digging my heels in, but fully recognizing that I needed to return to "reality" and my husband (I missed him so much!!). What I didn't expect was the realization that I had charged an enormous amount of money to our credit card while away. Our transmission burned up during our 20-hour drive and we spent almost $5,000.00 replacing it in our 2004 Odyssey (I know - not cool, or probably wise!), and because my husband had no income during the month of July, (the fellowship program gave the fellows a month off in order to study for their medical boards), I used our credit card for the month... to live.<br />
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The efforts of the last three months to figure out how to overcome my (previous, deeply set) emotional eating habits, to intentionally feed my body and soul, to master my cravings and irresponsible eating, to truly enjoy food but not be controlled by it, all suddenly seemed irrelevant. The financial stress that quickly crept over me and throughout my being gradually took over during the first two days home... and I began to eat. Granted I was eating healthy... peanut butter with apples or bananas, walnuts and strawberries on red leaf lettuce, brie cheese on healthy crackers, eggs with tomatoes and pepper jack cheese, homemade black bean burgers, delicious brownies made of walnuts, oatmeal, dates and cocoa, fruit and vegetables, etc. For two days I ate... and ate and ate. Yesterday by 4:00 pm I was absolutely sick. I felt awful. I realized that I had allowed myself to give in to the comfort that food offers, the addictiveness of eating delicious food to satisfy stress and the bodily cravings associated with dealing with stress.<br />
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This morning I grabbed a book that I borrowed from my mom's bookshelf when I was there: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0307387992"><i>French Women Don't Get Fat</i></a>, by Mireille Guiliano. (I have an fascination with France and always have... I studied French in college and have dreamed of going there (or living there!) ever since.) It has been delightful to read. There are so many wise tidbits... like:<br />
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To be successful, <i>"...you have to be ready to embrace pleasure and individual happiness as your goals."</i><br />
<i>"A French woman's secret is mainly in her head. It is one thing to identify your offenders, quite another thing to manage them."</i><br />
<i>"Novelty is a powerful distraction. Choose quality over quantity: pick things in season."</i><br />
<i>"A walk not only uses calories, it can be wonderfully meditative, clearing your head and making you less vulnerable to eating for psychological comfort."</i><br />
<i>"Deprivation is the mother of failure. Any program that your mind interprets as punishment is one your mind is bound to rebel against."</i><br />
<i>"He (her physician) was telling me to be the master of my pleasures as well as my restraint."</i><br />
<i>"Three months of discovering new things and getting to know your body better is a kindness to yourself that will continue to be repaid for years to come."</i><br />
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This is one of my favorite parts of the book so far:<br />
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<i>"At least half of our bad eating and drinking habits are careless, they grow out of inattention to our true needs and delights. We don't notice what we are consuming, we are not alert to flavors--we are not really enjoying our indulgences, and therefore we think nothing of them and overdo it. Perhaps you have given up caring about fashion. Or trying other new things? It maybe easy for a wife, mother, and full-time worker to neglect pleasure; perhaps a part of you even thinks it's selfish. But you must understand there is nothing noble in failing to discover and cultivate your pleasures... You owe it to your loved ones as well as yourself to know and pursue your pleasures. And since everyone's taste and metabolism are unique, you must pay attention to yourself-- to what delights you-- so you can tailor your system and preferences. It's a lifelong commitment, but it promises a lifetime of good health and contentment."</i><br />
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I am only half way into the book but I felt that I had to share some of these tidbits that inspired me to step back and evaluate my current psychological health and make a plan for being successful in my desire to live healthily, happily and fully. Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-33424729440292793122013-08-04T19:31:00.000-07:002013-08-04T19:31:01.177-07:00tests... tests... tests...Okay, studying for the MCAT, medical school exams, residency practice exams, etc. have all been stressful... well, okay, sometimes it has <i>totally</i> been the pits. But I had <i>no idea</i> how stressful studying for <i>The Boards</i> at the end of residency would be.<br />
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Weeks before my husband was scheduled to take his board exams, I left town with my four kids... straight to my parents house for a few weeks to let my husband study full time. I know he appreciates having fewer distractions. (I also enjoy being separated from the stress.) But it is hard to listen to him from afar, to not be there with him, encouraging him, feeding him, comforting him, etc. during such a stressful time.<br />
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I sure hope we don't have to repeat this experience again next summer. Though, I guess he'll have to take additional boards after his year of fellowship... my goodness! <br />
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I guess it never ends in the medical field - they have to maintain their board certification status by passing boards every ten years, I believe. <br />
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Wow.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-24512691653826134632013-05-28T17:02:00.000-07:002013-05-28T17:02:02.864-07:00stop, breath, and be careful in approaching things... togetherI remember when I initially started writing this blog I was determined to show the "true" side of what it is like being married to a doctor, (in reality it's <i>all</i> awesome though, right??) I wrote one night about how therapeutic it was to take a shower at night after everyone was sleeping, and just cry. The next day, friends and relatives called to tell me
that I needed to be more positive and limit the "sad and depressing"
stuff on my blog. That was four years ago. <br />
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Last night I found myself in the same moment, thinking about that post written long ago, wondering if I would recommend it again, and thinking about whether I had learned anything new since that time long ago when I blogged about it. My husband and I were at a stand still. Everyone was asleep. I was in the shower, weeping.<br />
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When my husband and I disagree on a matter, I often withdraw myself and prefer to think before discussing the matter further (matters that we <i>really</i> do not agree on). My husband gets frustrated when I become quiet.
He sees it as a way of punishing him. This is not why I do
it. I withdraw in order to think, to process rationally my feelings,
thoughts, desires, frustrations, weaknesses, all within my current level
of understanding. The time to myself to analyze the disagreement then
becomes an essential process for me, to grow in my ability to
love, to forgive not only my husband but myself also, to increase my ability to understand my husband's opinion and reasoning. Without this process I would merely let out everything verbally - while
upset and uncontrolled - and then regret it later. I am grateful that I can hold in my frustrations while I sort through my feelings. I wondered if I my weeping in the shower would make me appear weak, like I couldn't stand up to my husband and express my feelings and desires but rather suffered in silence. <br />
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I didn't feel weak. I felt that I was putting our marriage first, ahead of my own agenda.<br />
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Sometimes I direct my frustrations (often due to the limits of our current situation) at my husband. I do this often. I wish I could recognize it earlier and stop myself before doing it. Or at least change my approach in how I deal with the frustrations. If I could present my thoughts in a way that do not quickly end up with both of us making it difficult talk through things and understand each others' reasoning. <br />
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It is easy for me to forget that my husband is a person - just like me - full of weaknesses, pride, dreams, etc. - and that he is developing in his abilities to love, forgive, sacrifice, etc. - just like I am. I hope that I can do better in remembering this when I am frustrated, and take a moment to breath and analyze things before I present them to my husband, so that we can work through things together and not steer in completely opposite directions... particularly where I end up in the shower.<br />
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Because... I know my husband is worth it, and I know our marriage is worth it also.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-67180778504048777142013-05-11T23:31:00.000-07:002013-05-11T23:31:02.133-07:00I know it's mother's day... but...I love Mother's Day. I really love it. My husband goes all out. He bought me flowers a few days ago, presented a spread with crackers and a variety of expensive cheeses, he shaved his van dyke beard because he knows I don't like it, (even though two people recently told him he looks like Johnny Depp...), he took me to the temple, he brought me <i>absolutely-to-die-for</i> dark chocolate bars from Trader Joe's, and the list goes on and on. <br />
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I have to admit that the day also makes me a little crazy though, largely because of all the trouble everyone goes to in order to give me gifts, (take me to the store, where is my money?, I need more money, when can Dad take me to the store?, don't look in my room, etc.), make me breakfast, make me lunch, make me dinner (I admit this is probably because I have to choose what they will make and I also have to do the shopping for the meals...). <br />
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Each Mother's Day it is the same. More than any other gift in the world, I just want my kids to get along for the day. <br />
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I asked my husband if that sounded more difficult than preparing me breakfast. He said it would be impossible.<br />
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While thinking about how I can possibly avoid feeling the huge amount of stress caused by the special day, I found this video. I was reminded that I would not be a mother without my wonderful husband. He works so hard for our family. There is a Mormon Message about mothers also, but this video just touched me so deeply that I wanted to share it.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/R5FxdCgD-qI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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My life would be so different without a husband that dedicates his whole self to being a wonderful husband and father. I know residency takes him away - a lot - but like the father mentions in the video, he is far from his family but he is always close by, always thinking of them. I know this is how it is with my husband.<br />
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And I love, beyond words, how he makes it possible for me to be home with our children, to be there when they are exploring and testing the world, laughing, crying, sleeping, eating, and learning. I love being their mom, and I love that my husband is their dad. <br />
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Okay, and beyond all of that, I totally want that little house in the video... and their fields of wheat, their endless acres of beautiful farmland, their trampoline, their stairway banister to slide down, their relaxed, rural way of life. Oh my goodness, it looks soooo incredible!Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-51846818430004951362013-04-29T23:44:00.001-07:002013-04-29T23:44:56.430-07:00trying to avoid eating sugar... well, except for dark chocolate<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I decided last Monday to give up sugar... to eat healthier. My sister decided to do it long ago (a few months). Somehow, knowing my own sister had the will-power, discipline, desire to do it, and that she had been successfully accomplishing her goal, made me feel that I could do it also. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I read this article a few<span style="font-size: small;"> weeks ago and was really shaken up: <a href="http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/27/its-the-sugar-folks/"><i>It's the Sugar, Folks</i></a>. I <span style="font-size: small;">was eating a lot of sugar<span style="font-size: small;">, and my kids were too. I wanted to change... really<span style="font-size: small;">... but I didn't know how and <span style="font-size: small;">my attempt to decrease (not cut out) the amou<span style="font-size: small;">nt of sugar in my family's diet only lasted a few days.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> "Let's make cookies!" I said<span style="font-size: small;"> after only <span style="font-size: small;">two days</span>.</span> But after talking with my sister <span style="font-size: small;">last</span> Monday, I decided that it was time. My motivation was powered by the fact that I knew I was not eating healthy, and I wanted (really wanted) to be healthier. <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">The first day of "no sugar" was great. No problems. A few cravings (especially when my kids were fighting, whining, etc.) but I got through it just fine.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Day #2 was... absolutely horrible! At one point <span style="font-size: small;">I</span> was pretty certain that whatever the reason for my new goal, (I couldn't quite remember what it was any more), it was NOT worth it. Luckily I was driving my kids around to<span style="font-size: small;"> activities and did not</span> have access to any sugar - I would have given ANY-thing for a chocolate chip cookie<span style="font-size: small;"> at one point.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Day #3 was not as bad... only difficult for my children, whom I also determined would cut sugar out of their diets (I told them that we had decided as a family, although it was entirely me who had decided - while my husband was working). <span style="font-size: small;">Z almost lost it when we walked past a Cold Stone Creamery. <span style="font-size: small;">Well, o</span>kay, he <i>did</i> lose it. We regrouped later <span style="font-size: small;">while eating</span> some strawberries<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Note: I did decide that I would continue to eat dark chocolate (<span style="font-size: small;">in moderation<span style="font-size: small;">, of course). I discovered recently that it has zinc in it, which aids in the production of progesterone. That is important! Too important for me to give up<span style="font-size: small;">... okay, okay, plus I love it and I need some little sweet thing every once in a while (extremism <span style="font-size: small;">doesn't really work, I think)</span>. And the kids, or course, <span style="font-size: small;">get sugar constantly<span style="font-size: small;">. A few examples: E went to a birthd<span style="font-size: small;">ay party on Saturday night<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">,</span> ate cake and came home with a goodie bag filled with candy;</span> friends brought a plate of chocolate cookies to our house after church yesterday; Z and C went to a pre-kindergarten Teddy Bear Tea this morning and received gummy bears, Teddy Grahams, and rice crisp<span style="font-size: small;">y</span> square <span style="font-size: small;">treat</span>s; and chocolate cake was offered at an end-of-season soccer party this evening for <span style="font-size: small;">E</span> (luckily I s<span style="font-size: small;">wept them all out before the c<span style="font-size: small;">ake was cut)<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">. A</span>ll of this happened within <span style="font-size: small;">a two day period. There is sugar e<span style="font-size: small;">verywhere!! <span style="font-size: small;">So<span style="font-size: small;">, I don't think I'm <span style="font-size: small;">being "mean" as my kids keep <span style="font-size: small;">saying<span style="font-size: small;">, for el<span style="font-size: small;">iminating sugar from our diet at home, because they still get <span style="font-size: small;">sweets every once in<span style="font-size: small;"> a while</span></span>.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I just read an article by Mark Bittman, the writer of <span style="color: red;"><a href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/features/diningandwine/columns/the_minimalist/index.html"><i><span style="font-size: small;">T</span>he Minimalist</i></a> </span>food column in <i><span style="font-size: small;">T</span>he New York Times</i> for many years. The article is titled, <span style="color: red;"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/24/dining/healthy-meet-delicious.html?_r=0"><i>Healthy, Meet Delicious</i></a>.</span> Here are a few thoughts from h<span style="font-size: small;">is</span> article:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">“What’s left to eat? I feel like nothing is safe.”</span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> (I have honestly <span style="font-size: small;">thought this same thing multiple times during th<span style="font-size: small;">e</span> wee<span style="font-size: small;">k.)</span> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Things are changing, and fast. Only 5 percent of Americans define
themselves as vegan or vegetarian, but almost everyone believes he needs
to eat better. What does “better” mean? <span style="font-size: small;">...</span>much less junk,
fewer animal products and more veggies. Could not be simpler." </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Bittman</span> concludes with: "<span style="font-size: small;">...t</span>he primary challenge [is] to discover how to satisfy those
cravings while staying as best as I can within the boundaries of what we
know to be sane, or conscious, or well-informed — call it what you will
— eating..."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">For some <span style="font-size: small;">reason I have substituted cheese as a way to satisfy my "cravings" for sugar... <span style="font-size: small;">but I <span style="font-size: small;">am not sure if</span></span> that is actually better? I don't think so. I am trying to substitute fruits and veggies but my food bill is going out the roof! </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Day #8: I have definitely noticed a difference in my body and mind. I<span style="font-size: small;">t has only been a week but I feel better, <i>everything</i> feels better. I <span style="font-size: small;">sleep better, I wake up feeling more en<span style="font-size: small;">ergetic, I feel stronger and happier inside, I handle stress better. </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sugar really is ev<span style="font-size: small;">il, I guess. Or<span style="font-size: small;"> rather,</span> 'toxic', as it says in the first arti<span style="font-size: small;">cle (referenced above). Can you believe that they have found sugar linked with diabetes (ir<span style="font-size: small;">respective of w<span style="font-size: small;">hether someone is overweight or not) just like cigare<span style="font-size: small;">ttes are linked with lung cancer?? It is mind<span style="font-size: small;">-</span>boggling! Partic<span style="font-size: small;">ularly when you consider each thing that you, your<span style="font-size: small;"> spouse and your children are eating (and/or are encouraged to eat) - every single day.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now the challenge i<span style="font-size: small;">s to continue eating healthy, as well as to convince my children of the b<span style="font-size: small;">enefits of eating healthy. <span style="font-size: small;">But, ser<span style="font-size: small;">iously, w</span></span>ho would turn down a rice crispy treat? <span style="font-size: small;">I</span> never would have before this week <span style="font-size: small;">- </span>they have always been one of my favorites! But knowledge is power, as is experienc<span style="font-size: small;">ing the benefits of a new habit over and over again. Hopefully,<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">my kids</span> will start now to make healthy choices in their eating habits<span style="font-size: small;"> -</span> before they get set in their ways, like <span style="font-size: small;">I am</span>!</span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-28277654371703247742013-04-24T08:45:00.001-07:002013-04-24T08:45:44.501-07:00so many questions about sex...There have been quite a few questions on my blog about sex -
particularly the frequency of it in a medical marriage relationship.
Every relationship and individual are so unique, I wasn't sure (at all!) how to answer any of the questions. So, when a friend sent me a link to this article, I thought maybe it could
be useful to someone else reading on here: <i><a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324874204578438713861797052.html?mod=WSJ_hp_EditorsPicks">How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?</a> </i><br />
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A few interesting points:<br />
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* More experts now believe that sex is "a more emotional experience for men than for women".<br />
* A social psychologist: "For some men, sex may be their primary way of communicating and expressing intimacy."<br />
* A licensed marriage and family therapist: "Take sex away and [men] don't have the chemical stimulants that give them a sense of well being."<br />
* A recent study published in <i>Social Psychological and Personality Science</i>: "People are better able to sustain desire when they are <b>motivated to meet their partner's sexual needs</b>, even when these needs conflict with their own preferences.<br />
* Lead author in study: "We think people higher in sexual communal strength are <b>more focused on positive outcomes in their relationship</b>... They are having sex to enhance intimacy and feel closer to their partner rather than to please themselves, and this is what leads them to feel higher desire."<br />
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Interesting, huh? I think in general everything in marriage is similar to that... the more we sacrifice for each others' happiness, the happier we ourselves become. I think I am very lucky to have a husband who is always willing (and eager, actually) to talk about our relationship. He is very respectful and open about his emotional and physical needs. I don't think this is the norm... and especially realized this after reading that article...<br />
<br />
<br />Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-5232451037706755932013-03-06T01:15:00.000-08:002013-03-06T06:43:04.539-08:00a few more details about The MatchThe Match is next week. I have a few family members and friends involved in it, so I decided to post details about how to prepare for it, as well as look into how it has changed since my husband matched.<br />
<br />
Of course the best resource for information is <a href="http://www.nrmp.org/">http://www.nrmp.org/</a> - the actual website for the <i>National Residency Matching Program</i>. But, I also found another article, <i><a href="http://studentdoctor.net/2011/02/getting-into-residency-most-important-factors/">Getting Into Residency: Most Important Factors</a>,</i> that lists a few key things that residency program directors look at when choosing who to interview and how to rank those that are interviewed for the match. In order of importance:<br />
<br />
1. Letters of reference from physicians <b><u>in the applicant's desired specialty</u>.</b><br />
2. Step 1 and Step 2 scores (USMLE). 187 is passing. A few examples of Step 1 <b>average scores</b> of those that matched into the following specialties:<br />
<ul>
<li>Dermatology: 221</li>
<li>Orthopedic surgery: 217</li>
<li>Otolaryngology: 224</li>
<li>Plastic surgery: 221</li>
<li>Pediatrics: 200</li>
<li>Family medicine: 194</li>
<li>Psychiatry: 197</li>
</ul>
60% of programs have "target scores" - or cut-off scores, (they won't even look at an applicant unless the applicant gets above a certain Step 1 score). Also, almost a third of programs will not even consider an applicant who has failed Step 2. The article emphasizes: aim for 227, the score that will almost certainly get you an interview, or a minimum score of 209.<br />
3. Grades earned in the applicant's desired specialty (honors, AOA, etc.) <br />
4. Medical school (relative depending on program and competitiveness of specialty)<br />
5. Personal statement (often "used mostly as a screening tool" after the interview). Make sure it "fits" the specialty.<br />
6. Volunteer and extracurricular activities, such as research, (though each program differs, research is very helpful for competitive specialties. <br />
7. Away electives (rotations) - also very helpful for competitive specialties<br />
8. Medical school performance evaluation (MSPE)<br />
<br />
When programs rank applicants, the following are considered, in addition to the above mentioned points, in order of importance:<br />
1. <b>Residency interview</b>. Yes, that's all. A lot of emphasis is placed on "interpersonal skills, professionalism, feedback from residents and house staff, perceived commitment to the specialty, ethics," etc. during the interview experience.<br />
<br />
According to the article, the top three factors** involving how an applicant is ranked by a program are:<br />
1. "<b>Letters of reference</b> from individuals within the specialty"<br />
2. "<b>Grades</b> in clerkship in desired specialty"<br />
3. "The most important factors are... evaluated during <b>interview</b> day"<br />
(** For competitive specialties, research and away electives also weigh heavily.) <br />
<br />
However, each program also differs in what type of applicant they are looking for. There is an NRMP Program Director Survey where applicants can discover the specific goals and visions of residency program directors. More information on that in the article referenced above (<i>Getting Into Residency</i>...).<br />
<br />
Some good advice for applicants:<br />
* Study the <b>previous year's match results</b> in order to determine the "highly competitive", "competitive" and "non-competitive" specialties. You can find these at <a href="http://www.nrmp.org/">http://www.nrmp.org/</a>.<br />
*Find out <b>how competitive the programs are</b> that you are interested in. Determine this by comparing test scores of graduates from previous years in a specialty's various programs. These are usually posted on the website for that specialty's main group (i.e. American Society of _, or American Board of _)<br />
* If your backup plan is to "scramble"into a less competitive residency program (i.e. pediatrics, family practice, psychiatry, internal medicine, etc.), just go ahead and <b>apply in two specialties</b>. (Make sure letters of rec are not specifically recommending the applicant to only one specialty.)<br />
* Spend a year in <b>research</b> and re-apply as a senior student. Can do specialty-specific or a combined program such as MD/MBA, MD/MPH, MA/MD)<br />
*Alternative training route - choose a specialty that can lead to the desired specialty<br />
* Have a <b>realistic "backup plan"</b>.<br />
(Some of these ideas are from Dorothy Andriole, MD, Washington University School of Medicine St. Louis MO.)<br />
<br />
BOTTOM LINE:<br />
1. Develop strong relationships with individuals in the desired specialty and get <b>awesome letters of rec</b> from them.<br />
2. <b>Study a lot</b> (get good test scores and good grades).<br />
3. Develop your <b>interpersonal skills </b>(see #1). Talk often with everyone around you that might have insights into programs, specialties and possibilities for your future, particularly your medical school counselor/mentor.<br />
<br />
For applicants who do not match, things have changed since my husband
was at that point. Here is an article describing last year's match
results, <i><a href="https://www.aamc.org/newsroom/newsreleases/276900/120316.html">Highest Match Rate for U.S. Medical School Seniors in 30 Years</a>. </i>There
is now a computer program for applicants who did not match into a
program, (much more appealing and effective than before, when individuals had to
immediately start cold-calling residency programs and simply beg to fill
one of their unfilled positions...)<br />
<br />
Here is the description of the program from the article referenced above:<br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;">"For individuals who were not matched to a residency position, the NRMP
debuted the Supplemental Offer and Acceptance Program℠ (SOAP℠), a new
process developed in partnership with the Association of American
Medical Colleges (AAMC) and in consultation with student affairs deans,
residency program directors, resident physicians, and medical students.
Designed to help streamline, equalize, and automate the process for
students who are not matched initially, SOAP replaces the “Scramble,”
the unofficial name for the period of time during Match Week when
unmatched applicants contact programs with unfilled positions. Under
SOAP, the NRMP makes available the locations of unfilled positions so
that unmatched students can submit applications for these positions
through the AAMC’s Electronic Residency Application Service<sup>®</sup> (ERAS<sup>®</sup>).
After receiving applications through ERAS, residency program directors
create a list of candidates in order of preference and the NRMP offers
positions in that order in a series of up to eight rounds. Applicants
are able to receive multiple offers in a single round; if an offer is
accepted, it is binding."</span></i><br />
<br />
Important note: I am not an authority on <i>The Match</i>. I pulled all of the above information from the referenced websites and articles, my husband's opinions and random forums found via google.<br />
<br />
And just remember during all of this fun stuff that residency is much, much, much, much, much more challenging and excruciating than medical school... (of which memories we now view longingly as a "PAR-TEE!!") Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-27095166664867308952013-02-13T15:23:00.005-08:002013-02-13T15:23:52.637-08:00a possible way to increase efficiency and mutual understanding in a family...This is an article with some very interesting parenting ideas: <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323452204578288192043905634.html"><i>Family Inc</i></a>. I had studied many of the ideas while doing my masters degree, but never thought to apply them to my family's dynamics and daily mechanics. <br />
<br />
My husband and I actually decided to incorporate the idea and had a family meeting to discuss a few of the points in the article. It was amazing to see how my 10-year old son became engaged during the meeting. If I can be consistent in applying the ideas on a daily basis, I think it could possibly be incredibly beneficial to our family, our relationships, and our daily excitement(s). <br />
<br />
I feel like I want to buy the book, <a href="http://brucefeiler.com/books/the-secrets-of-happy-families/"><i>The Secrets of Happy Families</i></a>... especially since I can't fathom why someone would recommend that I cancel date night (!!)... that's really the only time my husband and I talk... Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-11781987319965437522013-02-11T13:24:00.003-08:002013-02-11T13:24:52.779-08:00progressMy husband and I attended BYU. I wasn't aware that these conversations had started... I am relieved that they have. <br />
<br />
I hope it continues to get better.<br />
<br />
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<br />Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-39656821518682769642013-02-07T21:35:00.001-08:002013-02-07T21:35:12.225-08:00switching gears... maybeMy mom told me recently that my blog is depressing... and not fun to read at all. I laughed (hard) and agreed with her, saying, "I don't even want to read it... or write in it!"
This was not my original intent when I began to blog. I wanted a place to write about interesting experiences, to encourage and provide insights to others in the medical field, to find support and humor while connecting with others having similar experiences, to know that I was not alone in my preoccupations, fears, loneliness, excitement, and humorous undertakings as a wife of a medical resident and also as a mother.
I found strength - often - particularly in comments made by others, and also in the process of writing down my thoughts and exploring my feelings. I liked it - a lot. I'm not sure where I went wrong... where I began to only blog when I could put into words some sort of tragic occurrence, like a marital argument or parental breakdown. I needed to write these down, and of course ended up here, where I had established a comfortable place for me to write.
My mom encouraged me to start a journal for those experiences... and move on to better and more positive blogging - especially because I am a very positive person anyway.
We'll see if it works!
(Just wanted to let you know my plans...)Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-36576841499998867262013-01-23T20:09:00.000-08:002013-01-23T20:09:13.833-08:00a thought worth reflecting on, over and over again <object id="flashObj" width="480" height="270" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=909542925001&playerID=710849472001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAApYNoccE~,xDmRWfqDlPhbhwoOkZ1F_TSoe20nAtRQ&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=909542925001&playerID=710849472001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAApYNoccE~,xDmRWfqDlPhbhwoOkZ1F_TSoe20nAtRQ&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object>Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-7956341255690537692013-01-20T00:23:00.002-08:002013-01-20T00:23:51.291-08:00and now... life goes onMy husband and I talked. And talked and talked and talked. The other night - after I wrote the post below. I received amazing advice to "stay positive" and "be myself" and decided to call my husband before going to sleep (he was on call). With the intent to be positive and loving, I approached our argument with a very different perspective than I had earlier in the day - and it helped <i>tremendously</i>.<br />
<br />
We were actually able to talk - especially since I stopped attacking and complaining.<br />
<br />
But, even with my positive attitude, all of it was painful... but totally worth it.<br />
<br />
I feel like I recently have written something similar to this... us discussing our deepest desires, priorities and beliefs... exploring various ways to work around differences and forgive each other for hurtful comments and deciding on ways we can support and love each other in new ways. Oh the drama of this year! I cannot believe how much we've been through in seven short months. It seems like the drama we've experienced this last year of residency is more than double the amount of drama we had during the other ten and a half years of our marriage combined. <br />
<br />
However, after this last argument, I was impressed by how much more deeply I came to know my husband, how much more I felt I had given of myself to him, how much more we came to understand each others' needs and desires, and how our love for each other becomes so much richer and stronger as we forgive and sacrifice for each other. <br />
<br />
I am so grateful for my husband, he talks through things - sometimes much more than I would like to - but we can always work things out. He persists in ensuring that I know he loves me and will do anything to make me happy. At one point during our argument my husband said, "I would be willing to quit everything tomorrow if you asked me to." Isn't that sweet? <br />
<br />
I can't imagine being married to anyone else. <i> </i><br />
<br />
<i>Any. One</i>. Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-82654737267211070072013-01-13T20:36:00.000-08:002013-01-13T20:36:24.314-08:00hmmm... not sure what to title this oneOkay, things are not going so well... hence the lack of posts lately. I guess I have to be pretty happy and "with it" to post something interesting (well, relatively interesting) on here. I'm sure some people have noticed my posts are becoming fewer and farther in between. Or maybe no one has noticed...?<br />
<br />
My emotions seem to be enjoying the roller coaster they have been on since my husband lost a close friend a month ago. His world changed drastically, instantly, as did his friendships, personal goals, deepest held beliefs, and priorities. It has been excruciating to watch from the outside, and sometimes even more painful to peer inside his world and gain a greater sense of what his world is like, his day to day associations, frustrations, coping mechanisms, and consequential experiences. Sometimes I wish I could just crawl back under my little rock and be ignorant of all that he deals with daily, of how he depends on others besides me for emotional support and happiness, and how much he is changing, growing, learning - without me. <br />
<br />
Or maybe I am just envious of the support system he has created for himself... and wonder why I don't have one similar in my own little sphere? I have a wonderful support system, but still rely heavily - no, <i>enormously</i> - on my husband for emotional support... and much of my happiness depends on him, and maybe it is just too much.<br />
<br />
Whatever I am dealing with here, I feel an urgency to figure out how to snap out of it. I can't accept the general idea that it is impossible to be happy to be married to a physician (unless you are one?? - except for the sparse comments in the "thoughts on being married to a doctor" tab that assure that it is possible... with great effort...?) <br />
<br />
I'll let you know what I discover - hopefully soon - unless someone already has this figured out...Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-67064725904760220432012-12-25T20:24:00.003-08:002012-12-25T20:24:53.528-08:00night call on Christmas EveMy husband worked a 24-hour shift yesterday. This meant that I had to get the children to bed - all by myself. This is not an unusual task for me, but on Christmas Eve it felt like a monumental challenge. <br />
<br />
E was anxious, jittery, bouncing like a ping pong ball and insisted on sleeping in my bed with everyone. B loved the idea but was much too excited to actually fall asleep in my bed. She wept quietly (not silently) while she worried about being tired yet not being able to fall asleep. She and E argued about which books to read while squished together on the left side of the bed. Z fell asleep immediately in the middle of the bed, the third child, always obedient and the one that often goes unnoticed because he is so quiet and does exactly as he is told. C, though only three-years old, somehow seemed to understand that he should not fall asleep, despite his busy, exhausting day. We tried everything to calm him down - he was literally bouncing off the walls. I had unwisely left the present wrapping until last night... so I needed - desperately needed - the kids to fall asleep. My patience with E, B and C was running out... fast. So, rather than turn into a ball of fury and frustration, I fell asleep. I awoke two hours later and found everyone asleep. I went downstairs and wrapped presents for the family, watched movies, ate pieces of red licorice and chocolate. I cleaned the house, did laundry and painfully crawled into my bed at around 5:30 am. <br />
<br />
My husband arrived home from the hospital at 7:30 am. I was draped across the foot of my bed since all four kids were also sleeping in it, covering the remaining surface of the bed. My husband entered the dark bedroom, turned on the light and cheerfully announced that it was Christmas Day and time to wake up. I couldn't move. I couldn't smile. I could only feel how deeply I wanted to attack my husband so that he would be quiet and let me go back to sleep. It was not the best way to begin one of the best days of the year. I felt immediately my power to ruin Christmas Day for my husband... and possibly for all of our children. <br />
<br />
I knew I needed to be cheerful.<br />
<br />
It was painful and extremely challenging.<br />
<br />
But I did decide to pass a new family rule: no more night calls on Christmas Eve. Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-41903285314512894812012-12-01T23:24:00.000-08:002012-12-01T23:25:06.855-08:00the marriage relationship can offer so much strengthCommunication is... everything... in marriage - I've decided recently.<br />
<br />
I had a mental breakdown (I can honestly say that now, looking back) after I found out that my husband received the fellowship position starting in July, 2013. I had not felt depressed before - ever - in my life. It was a heavy feeling, but it was easy to ignore because my life is so hectic and crazy - almost every minute of every day. Easy to ignore until things were quiet and calm, until I had time to think. Gradually though, it completely encircled me, and I completely lost all energy or desire to do things that I used to love. I felt like I couldn't handle anything. And I started to assume that my husband felt that way too - not about himself but about me. I avoided talking with him, thinking that he wouldn't understand and hoping that I would be able to just "get myself out of it". But the vicious cycle continued. I kept pushing him away and feeling worse about myself. I honestly was starting to feel really nervous about how sad I felt inside. I even made an appointment with my doctor.<br />
<br />
Then, one night, my husband wouldn't let it go any longer. He had taken me to the beach for a brief respite and I had ignored him the entire car trip home. He said that we <i>had</i> to talk. We were both upset, frustrated. He asked me why I was pushing him away, why I was so unhappy whenever he was around, why I wouldn't talk, how he could help me. I tried my best to explain how I was feeling. We delved into major marital issues, like whether we would have married each other if we'd known what we know now, how we've changed since he started residency, how we really feel about each other, etc. After a long exhaustive discussion, late into the night, it surprisingly ended well. He expressed his love and support. We talked about various ways I could avoid medication (for depression) and pull myself out of "the slump" I was in.<br />
<br />
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<br />
For weeks I had woken up with a heavy heart, no desire to get out of bed or do anything at all. But after that night, after feeling my husband's unwavering support and love even despite my inability to function, I woke up feeling strengthened - not totally light and energetic like usual - but like I could make it through the day and that everything would be okay. I was surprised by the strength I felt from knowing that my husband loved me. Of course I knew this during the month and a half that I was feeling down, but after attempting to get through this difficult time without involving him, I know now that I cannot ever do that again. I think it is perfect that we can choose people to spend our lives with and incrementally learn to love, forgive, support, and be kind to each other, even when it is extremely difficult. Because, I think, if we can build a strong marriage relationship, the strength, the happiness, the goodness that fills our lives... all possibilities are endless... and wonderful.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-34017380980664206482012-11-19T19:50:00.003-08:002012-11-19T19:57:09.041-08:00Love thisI would love to do something like this for church... like every week...<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="300" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/53357089?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0&badge=0&color=fad728" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" width="400"></iframe>
Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8598862945390612019.post-86108179167308376492012-10-31T15:09:00.002-07:002012-10-31T15:09:21.155-07:00switching perspectives with a joltIt started raining recently. It had been dry for so long, I had forgotten completely how the rain makes me feel, that I live in the Northwest. As I watched the heavy rain fall, the reverberations of the fellowship results, the extended year of training, suddenly came creeping inside me again. I felt trapped inside... and just a little bit sad. I quickly reminded myself that wallowing in those feelings would not get me anywhere. I pushed them aside and pulled out my raincoat. But since that moment, those feelings have crept back twice more. I started to wonder if I will ever fully embrace and be happy for another year of training, or if I will continually struggle emotionally until my husband is actually done. <br />
<br />
Then, on Monday, I read the novel, <i>Sarah's Key</i>. The tragic life - particularly the childhood - of the main character is unimaginable. As I kneeled to pray after finishing the book, I cried and cried as I thanked Heavenly Father for all of the blessings my children and our family receive each day. I thought about all of the people preparing for Hurricane Sandy, and then about all of the people living in countries where there is violence and fear. I felt so, <i>so</i> grateful that we are not constantly surrounded by dangers and stricken with fear. That we are together, laughing, eating, learning, and enjoying life. The experience aroused deep feelings of gratitude and peace.<br />
<br />
Hopefully this brief yet powerful experience of switching perspectives will allow me to more acutely enjoy this time of my life - especially the extra year of training - while living in the Northwest's endless rain.Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02824477197382240833noreply@blogger.com1