choosing the next adventure...

The other day I was reading a continuing education booklet for a local community college.  (It was a little slow... I was working at a nearby high school as a general sub (not a teacher).  It is an on-call position that is very flexible and allows me to make a little extra money while my youngest child is at preschool during the day... and sometimes my responsibilities are not too demanding of my time or focus... anyways, I can't handle sitting still without something to read...)

I found this thought as I read through the booklet:  "The happiest people may be those who've realized that it's worth seeking out novel experiences that promote growth even if they present a challenge."  This thought was part of a brief article titled: "Recipe for Maximum Happiness: Feed your curiosity, meet a challenge, pursue your purpose."

As I read this thought, (amidst our current discussions surrounding which job my husband should take after completing his residency and fellowship this year), I was moved deeply.  I consider myself a very capable person (okay, only with regards to handling challenges and pursuing difficult experiences... which often are because of mistakes I've made, or are due to my totally unrealistic optimistic attitude about, well, everything...).  However, I also really like stability and really, really dislike surprises... and change, in general.  My attempt to control the present situation, to methodically reason through pros and cons of our options, to make a good choice, is somewhat comical. 

The day that I read this booklet I was praying hard, fasting, and completely focused on receiving an answer.  It was interesting to me how this thought impacted me.  I felt strongly that I should not be so resistant to change and unfamiliar territory, that I should focus more on the needs of others rather than my own, that I should be less prideful.  These feelings were powerful, and changed me enough for me to open my heart and accept new ways of seeing the needs of others and the potential experiences for our family, post medical training.  All along I was seeking an answer from God, I wanted to be told what to do so that I could know with absolute certainty that everything that would happen (good and bad) was "meant to be".  However, it quickly became clear one day after fruitless attempts to receive an answer, that my life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book... which doesn't bode well with my  strong inability to make decisions, in addition to my tendency to endlessly question every decision that I (ever) make in life.

I know how important it is to "disrupt ourselves" often, that this creates valuable opportunities for learning and growth.  But, it is so hard for me!  I love how my kids just attacked this hike (pictures), exploring without fear, even climbing down "the Crack" to shimmy their way down in the dark slot canyon.  I hope I can strengthen my adventurous side... maybe I can borrow some from my kids.

people do this for leisure?

It is settled.

Camping is not my thing.  In fact, I may never go again.

During high school, I decided that the most important reason for getting married was to be able to go camping whenever I wanted.  (I have to admit that I am kind of a "princess" - though I am sure no one would ever describe me that way - so I knew early on that I needed to go camping with a man in order to feel completely safe.)  Growing up, my immediate family did not go camping.  But my uncles, aunts and cousins did.  I never saw the packing and unpacking, only the glamorous and mouth-watering meals available as soon as I was hungry, the bikes, rafts, horses, body boards, toys, all ready and waiting for me to enjoy at my leisure.  I only had to worry about getting my clothes and sleeping bag ready for the trip, and then show up.

My husband and I camped often before we had three children.  I was usually pregnant or nursing, so my husband did the majority of the work.  It has been two years since we have gone and now we have four children.  Three weeks ago, my husband notified me that he would be in charge of our upcoming camping trip.  He assured me that I should not worry about anything.  I immediately relaxed.  How nice!, I thought, and immediately reverted back to my pre-college-days mentality.  That was a bad idea.  Because then I was blamed for everything that was missing during our camping trip, like blankets, spoons, sunblock, chips for taco salad, can opener, you know, the somewhat really important items, but in all fairness, these were the items that my husband asked me to grab as we were getting into the car.  "Couldn't you have helped me with anything?" my husband would ask over and over again.

At the end of the trip, my husband said, "Outside Mom should go camping with campers like you.  She would be like Super Nanny - she would be so appalled by your lack of preparation."  (This, by the way, I agree with completely.)

I love it.  I mean, it is hilarious to think about the irony of the story as I write about it, but it was even more hilarious at the time.  I laughed so much.  My husband didn't laugh.  He doesn't laugh at tragedy.  Luckily I do.  But, I still don't know if I will ever go camping again.

Maybe that can be THE bonding time for my husband and the kids.

Yes - they need that.

And I would totally support it.

And I think they would too.

On the way home, my husband kept saying, "That was so fun!  When do you think we can go again?"

"Huh?" I kept thinking.  (I did actually think it was really fun, but don't tell my husband that.)

the Human Touch

I am impressed by the group chatting capabilities of Google+.  I live far from my siblings and parents.  It is miraculous to see each other and visit together over the Internet in real time.  

But it still has its limitations.

We recently gathered for a reunion - on the beach.  On the last day I was painfully reminded of the importance of being together and the incredible power of the human touch.  The reminder came as I hugged my sisters and my mom and dad.  I almost didn't feel like it would be possible for me to walk away.  Saying goodbye after the comforting, unconditional love felt during those hugs was more than I could physically bear.  I wondered if I could go on, if I would ever be the same.  I wanted so much to stay with them.

The love we share as families is powerful.  I am not the same person that I was before this reunion on the beach.  The experiences and feelings we share as we support and uplift each other, I believe, does change us.

A friend asked me yesterday how the reunion went.  I said, "It was wonderful.  It was so nice to be with my family and enjoy my kids being entertained constantly by cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents... you know what it's like to be with family..."

"No, actually I don't," she said bluntly.

I was familiar enough with her past that I felt like I had been hit with a brick.  I was reminded that there are people who do not enjoy the support network of a loving family.

Tonight during family home evening, my son shared the story of Jesus healing a blind man.  When he read to us about him being a beggar before he was healed, he stopped and said, "I have a question.  Why didn't his family help him?"  We discussed how often people don't have large families like we do, with siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, who care about and love each member of their family.

I remembered the conversation with my friend.  I tried to imagine what it would be like to be completely reliant on my own, immediate family unit for support, understanding, love, strength.  I knew that my son could not imagine it.  He just looked at my husband and I with a confused look as we tried to explain.

How different my views and perceptions of the meaning of life would be without my family.  I always felt as if I were part of something huge (my mom's family really is huge) and strong and good - something even important.  I felt connected to both of my parents' families.  I know I would be different now if I had not grown up with those feelings.  How I would be different?  I don't know.  But those feelings are everything to me.

I cannot sufficiently express with words even the tiniest bit of the enormous gratitude I feel for my family.  It's like trying to describe one of those hugs.  I just can't do it.  But, I can say that those hugs were the most wonderful, sweetest, and personally strengthening part of the reunion, even though they also made me cry.

finally, some real summer

One thing I absolutely love about summertime - still - is being able to wake up and say, "What should we do today?"  And have an entire list of incredible choices to chose from - choices that are all OUT-side!

And my favorite one so far?  A day exploring the normally hidden life at low tide at the beach. 

A sea star!

Sand and water - and a shovel!

Cool shell.

Something for all the kids - even at their different stages of life and varying interests.  Luckily we collected tons of shells and rocks during our adventure, and then read the rule of "not removing anything from the beach."

psst... the kayaks are back...!!

Last week, my husband and his brother spent over four hours army crawling over rocks, traversing a rushing river with ropes, slowly inching along in freezing water surrounded by crisp, chilly air to somehow retrieve both of our kayaks.

He said it took "a major reconnaissance, strategic planning, physically-exhausting efforts, and a lot of prayer," but in the end, they were successful.

That morning, my husband posted notices all over the Internet and called every city Parks and Rec in the area, the Fish and Game, etc., to report the missing kayaks.  After work, he went back to the river and searched along the river banks with our 3-year old to look for them.  On their way home a man called to report that he had seen one of them.  One of the kayaks had been pushed further down the river up against an island.  After much effort, my husband and his brother, later when they returned, were able to get that kayak free.  My husband decided to search the island for the other kayak as well.  They found it, jammed up in a similar fashion to the other, among huge logs and branches.

My husband said it was a miracle.  He said he had not stopped praying and pleading with Heavenly Father to help him retrieve both kayaks.  He said he felt Heavenly Father guiding and helping him.

I wonder if he read my previous post.  I don't think so.  Maybe he was as sad as I was.  He must have been, to be pleading for help and sacrificing a post-call nap in order to go searching for them the following day.

What a blessing to have prayers answered - though it probably seems silly and small to some, for us, it was huge.

This is the river my husband likes people to think they were on when they lost the kayaks... but, it's not. It's a waterfall we visited last weekend together.

A Birthday and a Day Off

We celebrated my husband's birthday the other day by visiting Pike's Place Market with our two younger kids. It was so fun.

The king salmon were the biggest draw for my 2-year old.

He wanted to touch all of them that he could reach, while eating his fried donuts, and couldn't believe that they could be real.

Then we decided to get a sandwich at Market Grill - a tradition dating back to our pre-married life.

A little place, you would miss it if you weren't looking for it. It's been voted by all sorts of places for the best fish sandwiches, etc. The same cook has been there since we can remember.

I know, a bit rough looking, but the most incredible salmon and halibut sandwiches we have found anywhere.

It was a perfect and relaxing little jaunt, and I felt like it was my birthday since I got to spend the day with my best friend.

On our way out, my husband let our 2-year old chose some fresh cut flowers for me.  $5 and they look and smell absolutely divine!

Bikepacking

Last night my husband handed me a newspaper article out of the Sept/Oct 2010 issue of Tail Winds. He said, "Read this carefully, because this is what your future will be." The article is titled: "Take Your Bike Backpacking: Bikepackers Eat Up Miles, Enjoy Backcountry Solitude."

Maybe it was the timing of it, but it did not sound AT ALL appealing at the moment. It could have been the four little kids bouncing off the walls with increasing energy when they should have been in bed, me trying to get out the door to a meeting, the house completely unraveling at the seems... But, this morning when I read it, it actually sounded a little bit fun.

The article defined bikepacking as: "mountain bike touring on singletrack and rough terrain." It recommends to first, "figure out what you're going to carry and how to carry it." Can you imagine? I preferred the idea of setting up "a bikepacking base camp," in a remote campsite, and then to ride unloaded from there.

(A large portion of the article is about bikepacking racing. Um, no, Honey, you'll have to go down that path on your own.)

This picture is from a blog, Chad's Bikepacking Diary, that I found, filled with incredible pictures and detailed personal experiences with bikepacking. Reading through it actually made bikepacking even more appealing.

Hmmm, so if this is what my future holds, I might actually be okay with that - as long as our four kids carry their own gear on their own bikes, or stay home with Grandma and Grandpa, that is.

Time with Dad

hiking adventure

surrounded by dinosaurs

respite from fighting

The Aquarium

I don't know what took me so long to take my kids to the aquarium here, maybe the traffic... maybe the distance... maybe my temperamental gps.. maybe the parking... BUT, it was amazing and I am so glad that we went.

This is where we spent almost 2 hours: the hands-on displays of life along the coasts.

My daughter could have just jumped in and lived here.

Before rushing back to our minivan before our paid time expired for parking, they sat inside this huge dome, open-mouthed in awe and silence, forgetting all about the rest of the world. There is a scuba diver right in front of them feeding the fish.

They want to go back again - which is good, since we only saw a very tiny portion of the entire aquarium.

One More Adventure

Discovery Park

It was magical, the fog with the cloudy sky. It was cold at first, but the kids warmed up quickly and found exactly what they wanted.

The builder, destroying, wacking, creating.

The digger, not much happier doing anything else.

The biologist, in her element.

Low tide. Exploring muscles, clams, barnacles, seashells, mud, seaweed, puddles, kelp.

My husband was sad we went without him, but our Saturdays with him before school begins are running out. We'll go again sometime with him - for sure.

The I-90 Bridge

My life has been changed.  I ran today. A little over four miles. Across a bridge, and then back. It was incredible.

I cried the first time I drove across this bridge after we moved here, because it was so beautiful.

It was even more breathtaking by foot.

I feel so lucky to have experienced it.

I found these photos on Wikimedia Commons. (I wish I had taken my camera with me, but didn't.)

The Best Backyard Ever

So, after living in the desert with no grass, only little tiny rocks and dust, our new backyard is like a dream come true.

My 2-year old is completely in love with the dirt. It is everywhere. He carries his shovel around with him constantly and enthusiastically says, "I can dig!" There is grass (which, it seemed, only the wealthy had in their yards in the desert), and it appears that we may have a marsh or swamp in one area that is always soggy and full of interesting growth. Towards the back of our yard there is a steep hill of dirt (which will be a great mudslide later, I'm sure, since it rains a lot here) that my kids are totally obsessed with. They time each other running up it, and running down it. They have tied rope on multiple roots growing alongside the hill from trees that are also growing on the hill, and are attempting to learn how to mountain climb and repel.

Yesterday, I noticed my 7-year old son and 5-year old daughter pushing our little tikes car up the hill. I thought, "That can't end well." I continued cleaning the kitchen. Then, I heard a huge crashing sound and looked out the window. My 7-year old was inside the car, screaming and hollering, and tumbling down the side of the hill. I ran outside as I busted out laughing and tried to help him climb out of the window of the car. I really, really expected them to know better. My son was loudly whining to my daughter, who was noticeably giggling as she ran down the hill towards him. He said, "Why did you do that?!" This made me laugh even more because I thought she had probably pushed the car down before he was ready. But then my son explained (through his tears and gasps) that she had asked him to drive down to see if it would be safe for her to try it. He really thought she had tricked him, and he was so mad. I looked at him in awe. And really, I still could not stop laughing. I cannot believe that she talked him into it, that she sacrificed him out of curiosity (she loves to do experiments), and that he fell for it! Oh, I can't even type this without laughing out loud.

Often it really is super entertaining to be a mom, even before you think and write about things in retrospect.

Our Trip to Cannon Beach

My family reunion this year was during our trip to Cannon Beach. We were gone for 10 days, with no Internet, which meant no blogging or googling, so I enjoyed my family, and also relaxed a lot more than I thought possible. The beach was amazing. I wish I had been able to take more pictures. Here are a few.

The views at Cannon Beach are breathtaking, wherever you are. The weather was spectacular so we spent most of our time at the beach.

Digging a really big hole.

And digging the big hole even deeper.

And building sandcastles with Grandpa.

And some pouting, but not much.

And lots of squealing and crawling in circles, as our 11-month old was possibly the happiest baby ever to see the sand again (every. single. time. we. arrived). He didn't eat nearly as much sand this time around, but clearly did have some taste tests.

And some awesome soccer games with uncles - and aunts - in the grass and on the beach.

And a visit to Tillamook to visit the cheese factory, taste The Cheese and more importantly, The Ice Cream.

And multiple visits (more times than I can count) to a super cute little ice cream parlor with Grandpa, who introduced us to licorice ice cream. (I know I put on a few pounds there from ice cream alone.)

And more exciting and relaxing visits to the beach. My kids were so, so happy for hours just running around in the sand and beach grass and playing with cousins and with each other. 

I was also able to sneak away twice to run a few miles along the beach; it was completely rejuvenating and incredible to experience the enormity of the ocean, the sea breeze, listening to the waves and breathing the bounteous O2.

My mom also introduced me to a little furniture shop called Sesame and Lilies. Oh, I loved it. I had to return three more times.

And, lots of time visiting with siblings and their spouses, along with my mom and dad. It was so fun to see how my siblings love their kids and what amazing parents they are. It is still so crazy to think how we are all grown up with our own kids! And the best part ever? Well, that was watching my own parents love and play with my kids, and see how much my kids just love to be with them.

It was a wonderful family reunion.

A Quick Trip to the Beach

We knew we would be living relatively close (a six hour drive) to The Beach during this, my husband's intern, year, so we planned to visit Southern California often. It has not been as easy as we thought it would. So, when he found out he could take a Friday off, (he is doing an elective this month with a private group of anesthesiologists), we decided that a quick trip to the beach was a necessity of sorts: Relaxation for us, and The Beach Experience (sand and waves) for the kids. So, we drove to San Diego over the weekend and spent two days on the beach.

It was so relaxing (for me) - even with four kids - especially after we accepted that our 9-month old would eat the sand, and actually didn't mind eating the sand. (It was terribly painful to watch, but we would have lasted only 3 minutes if either of us had minded.)

I relaxed, listened to the sound of the waves, and read a book while he continuously cleaned (by way of licking) each one of the seashells his older sister had found along the beach.

Yes, it really was that bad. But he was quite content.

Our 2-year old could not have been happier in this gigantic sandbox and sang and hummed happily as he dug and filled and dumped and observed.

At one point he started walking towards our umbrella and chairs, but got side-tracked and started b-lining it down the beach. I walked behind him at a distance but kept expecting him to start looking around, realizing he was alone, and see me. He didn't. So, yes, I had to run, in my bathing suite with my mommy-tummy and whiter-than-white thighs, in between and around lots of groups of people, in order to catch up with him. I may never forgive him for that.

My husband attempted multiple times to take a nap, read a book, and/or relax - to no avail; the kids knew that he was free game on vacation and demanded his full attention.

Our older kids loved the boogie-boarding (oops, my husband always corrects me, it's body boarding). The water was frigid, absolutely, but they didn't seem to mind. Luckily, it was warm - the weather was amazing.

As we drove home, my husband seemed completely worn out and kept recommending we bring a nanny with us the next time we visit. Vacations with four young children are definitely a lot of work, especially for the Dad, at least in our family.

The kids were also completely worn out.

It was really a lot of fun.