and now it's been 3.5 months...

Okay, I have to be honest, life after residency seems.... uh... very... similar.

A close friend had warned me about that years ago, but of course I shook off the thought of it... especially since my expectations of life after residency were literally carrying me - at times - through the experiences of residency.

But to be honest, I feel certain that much of our survival during residency was possible because of our faith. I had an incredibly optimistic view of life. Maybe it was a way for me to be compelled to pray, to be humble, to seek strength from God, and to move forward in faith. Lately many of my friends have started questioning our faith. Because of all that I have been through with the Savior during the last five years of residency and fellowship, I feel more certainty than ever.

So, would I want to go through it all over again?

Yes, definitely.

Could I have done it without my faith and hope in and love for my Savior?

No, definitely not.

There are a lot of questions about the LDS faith. This is a thoughtful explanation about garments worn by some Latter-day Saints. There is so much meaning and depth in thoughtful, regular worship. I cannot imagine going without all of those moments of introspection and supplication to the Lord, contemplation on scriptural teachings, and feelings of peace, strength, love, hope that I received during the darkest and loneliest moments.

But, I am grateful it is over?

Yes.

Definitely.

a thought worth reflecting on, over and over again

seeking understanding and light

Lately I have been pondering and studying an aspect of my religion that I have not quite "come to grips with."  I remember having a similar experience while on my mission when I wanted to understand the doctrine of polygamy... no, I desperately needed to understand it.  It drove me to my knees, more than once.  I read stories of my ancestors, of women in my own family, who were married to men with other wives.  I grew up learning gospel principles; increased in learning through seminary, institute, and religion classes prior to my mission; and, as a missionary, I felt the Spirit often as I taught gospel principles, preached of Jesus Christ, loved all those I came into contact with, and testified of the things I knew were true.  But, I could not ignore the nagging feeling, the unrest that I felt about that part of the Church's history.  It led me to sincere contemplation and diligence in seeking for an answer.  Ultimately, I received a strong and reassuring feeling as I read the scriptures one day; I suddenly knew, that Heavenly Father was aware of my concern and that He wanted me to know and feel that it was "all right."  I remember weeping and being grateful for the simple, sweet, and powerful impression that brought immediate peace to my agitated soul. 

Recently, a similar nagging has caused me to ponder and study, but this time it has lasted for much longer and the answer has not come as easily.  Along the way, I have felt little answers, assurances, but often these came after arriving at my own rational explanations.  But, I now feel strongly that I need to receive an answer, similar to the kind I needed while on my mission.

Joseph Smith taught, "Thy mind... must stretch as high as the utmost heavens, and search into and contemplate the darkest abyss, and the broad expanse of eternity--thou must commune with God... He shall give unto you knowledge by His Holy Spirit, yea by the unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost." (Teachings: Joseph Smith, 267-68).

I am grateful for this truth.  I know we can receive answers to our prayers, answers that will calm desperation and give light and peace to our minds and hearts.  I know that we can receive knowledge by the gift of the Holy Ghost.  Really, I cannot express how grateful I am for opportunities to seek and receive understanding of things that I cannot understand on my own.

retaining hope

Today, while watching my two younger boys play on a playground on one side of the park and my daughter play in a soccer game on the other side of the park - with me parked in the middle on a folding chair - I randomly opened my scriptures and found this:

"...but the law of Moses did serve to strengthen their faith in Christ; and thus they did retain a hope through faith unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit of prophecy, which spake of those things to come..." (Alma 25:16)

It is a packed scripture, but my mind kept repeating the phrase, "they did retain a hope through faith," over and over.  As I'm sure you can tell, I have felt unusually low lately.  My confidence in my parenting style, grant-writing abilities, friendship-making skills, (and yes) cooking skills have all pretty much hit rock bottom.  (I baked a peach pie - yes, all out! - on Sunday, and it was utterly inedible.  Previously I was not aware that it was even possible to mess up a peach pie recipe.)  My hope has been wavering on many fronts.  I was reminded powerfully of what I need to do to "retain" a greater hope.

The words reminded me of why we are asked to do all that we are, and why we often choose to do it.  All that we do leads us to have greater faith in Christ.  Sometimes I forget this.  I was completely and particularly overwhelmed last Sunday.  I felt like temporarily becoming inactive in my church because the expectations and responsibilities I faced felt so great.  I had been up all night with a sick child, alternating between soothing him and cleaning up after him, (yep, he threw up four times before arriving at his destination).  I was in charge of our ward's primary program that day.  My husband worked that day.  The relative coming to watch my sick child while I was at church couldn't get to the house in time for me to leave.  I made a choice that upset my husband greatly.  Plus, I don't handle things quite as well when I am sleep-deprived.  It was a day that I would like to forget.

The words also reminded me of the power that comes into my life when I read the scriptures.  There is an immediate and tangible flux of energy and hope that I feel.  It directly affects my inner peace and ability to feel good inside despite my world crashing around me.  (Okay, I may be reading too much into this peach pie ordeal, but it was a big blow to my ego.)  But, in reality, the hope and faith that we feel as we read the scriptures, words written by the spirit of prophecy, truly strengthen our faith in Christ, our determination to press forward, our desire and ability to continually seek for opportunities to serve and love those around us, and ultimately, our inner level of happiness and general contentment.

Yes, there is a reason for those "primary answers" - it is because they are the most powerful and result-proven activities that really can be answers to every question there is.

I know - I'm a little late, but I need to write this

On Easter, while doing dishes after lunch, I listened to, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.  Here is a link to a sublime performance on utube.

The words are powerful.  They touched me so deeply on that Easter afternoon that I wept as I listened and cleaned the kitchen.

Prone to wander Lord I feel it.  

Prone to leave the God I love. 

Here's my heart, take and seal it  

Seat it for thy courts above.

Later that day, my in-laws had a discussion about Jesus Christ, stimulated at times by slips of paper with questions about our feelings for Him.  My eight-year old son read his question aloud:  "What would you give Jesus Christ if he were with you right now?"  He paused for a second, looked up at everyone in the room, and said, "Hmm, my heart."

I have pondered his response ever since.

So, my Easter was filled with not only a deep sense of gratitude for the resurrection made possible by Jesus Christ's resurrection, but also with a renewed sense of determination to give more of myself, my thoughts, my desires, my heart, to my Savior.

My knowledge that Jesus Christ lives, that the power of His Atonement is real, and that He loves me, is everything for me.  I would be nothing without it.

I can't believe Easter was last Sunday... it feels like it was weeks ago.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter like we did.

advice worth giving

A friend was visibly frustrated the other day as her four-year old daughter had a fit, in a room full of people.  She said it had been going on for about two weeks and was driving her crazy.  She mentioned how much she has enjoyed her babies, so small and cute, but how she now feels completely inept as her daughter gets older.

I quickly sputtered some words of advice - a few super good ones - like, "It just gets worse as they get older!" and "I often cry myself to sleep with feelings of guilt as I realize that I've ruined my once perfect little baby and I will never be able to fix him or her again!"

Wow.  I think, more than anything, I wanted to give advice, but didn't give myself time to think about it - just blurted it out as the opportunity presented itself and I couldn't let it pass!  I just love to give advice.

Then I shared something with her that a dear friend shared with me over the weekend.  She had eight children in eleven years.  She said, "The greatest thing I learned after experiencing all of those years and knowing what I know now is that if I kept trying and doing my best, Heavenly Father would make up for the rest.  I wasn't perfect.  I wanted to have control, but I couldn't.  I made lots of mistakes.  But now, I look at my kids and I know, without a doubt, that Heavenly Father made up for my ineptitude.  My children acquired numerous traits, talents, habits, testimonies, etc. that my husband and I never taught them or demonstrated for them.  Heavenly Father filled in where I neglected to do so.  My children developed in wonderful ways, ways that I never would have predicted or expected because of how my husband and I raised them."

She is one of those people that I want to get a paper and pencil and take notes whenever she speaks.  She is so full of love and goodness.

Anyways, this weekend I appreciated this advice immensely.  I needed it.  More than anything, I think my children will teach me to be humble.  I hope somewhere in there I can teach them something, but I'm not sure if that actually ever happens.  I was grateful for my friend's perspective, her reminder that Heavenly Father is aware of our needs, and more importantly, our children's needs, and that he is invested in them and wants them to succeed, be happy, make good choices - all of the things we want for them - and He will help us make it happen.

a short but wonderful and important thing called life

Last week, after reading a fun picture book about kids and their dream jobs, I asked my 3-year old son what he wants to be when he grows up.  (I would have bet money that he would say something to do with a tractor - because I was so sure that he would.)

He surprised me.

He said, "When I grow up, I want to be a daddy."

I was floored.  It was so touching, and he was so sincere, that his statement brought tears to my eyes.

I said, "Oh, you will be such a good daddy!"

He said, "Yes, I will be a really good daddy, because I am so fun and I will be so nice.  Sometimes I will not be nice - if my kids are making big messes - but only sometimes.  I will play with my kids a lot, like wrestle and play, and I will be so nice."

We talked more about how fun it would be to be a daddy and how fun his daddy is.  Then I couldn't stop thinking about how quickly life goes by.  My oldest is eight.  He could potentially move out in ten years.  He has already spent almost half of the total amount of time that he will spend during his lifetime under our roof, in our care.  We are born, we play and learn a lot, and we grow up so fast.

This came up again later while driving in the car with my two older kids.  We were discussing why there are so many religions.  We talked about how short our lives are, how quickly we grow up and die, and how the mystery of life and death have led people to seek out or form new explanations, which eventually, in some instances, have developed into religions.  Then we talked about Joseph Smith, his confusion, and his searching for truth amidst all of the different interpretations of the purpose of life.  It was an intense conversation.  I was impressed by their knowledge, their questions, and their ability to understand so much of what we discussed.  I am grateful that we can communicate on a personal level with Heavenly Father, that we can know truth if we seek it, and particularly that we have an eternal perspective of why we are here, where we came from, and where we are going.

Goosebumps

I was touched by this. I think it is interesting to be alive right now and watch the non-religious movement affecting our society.

During a meeting the other day for our grant writing committee, our elementary school principal shared a conversation she had with a nearby middle school principal. The middle school principal noted that currently her main focus is on providing an environment where her students can develop character traits, the most important one being empathy for others.

Interesting.

Choosing to be Happy, and Cat-less

I asked my daughter tonight if she wanted to have her personal prayer with me or by herself. We discussed praying out loud versus praying with our thoughts. She said, "But, how does Heavenly Father know what you are saying if you say it in your head?"

I said, "By the Holy Ghost, remember? Heavenly Father knows everything, even our thoughts."

"Oh no!" she said, "Sometimes I have evil thoughts. Sometimes I don't want to listen to you. Sometimes I want to be mean. I thought I only knew I was thinking those things!"

I told her that it was okay, everybody has bad thoughts, even me. She smiled and said, "Mom, did you have bad thoughts when you were a little girl like me?"

"Of course." I said.

She laughed.

I told her about a few of the times I disobeyed my mom when I was little - and the things I was thinking at the time. Her favorite story was about the piece of toast I left on our new piano bench while I practiced playing my pieces. It left a permanent and perfect toast-shaped stain on the beautiful wood. My mom questioned me and my siblings. I lied and said it wasn't me. She didn't know who to believe, so no one got in trouble for it. Only years later when I was in college did I confess.

My daughter seemed super content while listening to my stories.

I don't want my daughter to think I am perfect, or that she has to be perfect. We are innately hard enough on ourselves, without greater expectations than necessary. This is why I love the gospel so much. I want my daughter to know that we are works in progress, that she can find happiness in making mistakes, repenting, learning, having faith, becoming wiser and better, and moving forward with hope. And most of all I want her to know how much her Heavenly Father loves her - unconditionally.

I had a dream the other night about a cat. I was working desperately, trying to get rid of the cat. I tried everything I could, but the cat clung to me, scratching constantly. (This was more like a nightmare - I'm allergic to cats.) I was quite perplexed by the dream after I awoke. It was clear to me that something in my life was threatening my peace and comfort, my happiness; but what, I was unsure.

After the conversation with my daughter tonight, I thought again of the dream. I think the cat may represent just that: unhappiness. The question now becomes whether I will choose to be happy now, or if I will allow my happiness and faith to be encumbered by unnecessary doubt and stress. Will I allow the persistent scratching and uneasiness until in the end the triumphant, immovable clawing cat becomes a part of my being.

I don't think so. I'd rather just be happy.

Plus, I'd rather be able to teach my daughter how to be happy - by personal experience, of course. I want to have a story about how I survived these years with my husband in medical residency - a few good stories that will make her smile just like she did tonight.

(An important side note to the dream: my husband showed up and helped me get rid of the cat. Maybe another lesson for me is to allow my husband to help me choose happiness now, rather than try to do it all by myself - like usual - since I have trained myself to "do it all" because, let's be honest, he is usually at work.)

Service, Strength & Love

I went on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 21-years old.  During those 18 months I learned intensely about the importance of family, service and love. The depth of understanding I gained during my mission changed my life forever.

Before my mission I never wanted to get married. The thought of having children never even entered my mind. I planned to live in South America as a physician, living in a simple grass hut in some small remote village near the Amazon River. I loved the movie Medicine Man. When I returned from my mission, my goals were completely changed: I wanted to find someone to marry, I wanted to have a nice family to spend my life with. I quickly fell in love and married the man that is now my husband. I was certain that he was everything I would ever need or want. (He actually seemed a bit too perfect, but I went ahead anyway.)

It has been almost ten years since we were married. I never realized in the beginning how the traits I had never even seen in him when we were courting would become the ones most important to me, and to our family. His ability to love, work, serve, and enjoy life surprises me over and over again. He seems to have an innate way of seeing the needs of others, and finding within himself a way to serve them. I think if our family learns to serve each other from his example, our family will be strong forever.

When describing the people of Ammon, Alma wrote: "...when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them..." (Alma 26:6)

When I read this scripture this morning, I immediately thought about my family, my loved ones.

I turned back to how Alma described the covenant these people had made; he wrote: "... and this they did, vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than shed the blood of their brethren they would give up their own lives; and rather than take away from a brother they would give unto him; and rather than spend their days in idleness they would labor abundantly with their hands." (Alma 24:18)

The people of Ammon had promised to serve and love their brethren; this allowed them to be unified and strong.

Then, I thought of my husband.

My husband eclipses me when it comes to serving others. If we are ever arguing or upset at each other, he immediately starts to serve me, especially in small, simple ways. When we were first married, this enraged me. I finally confronted him about it, not sure about his intentions. He said, "When we serve other people, our love for them increases." I was speechless, but no longer irritated. I was only envious of his ability to be unselfish, convinced that his intentions really were pure.

Since then, I have matured - but only by a little bit. He still surpasses me in his capacity to stand back and see things from an unselfish perspective and realize that he can offer something of himself, even if it is only in a small way.

One time, about six months ago, I told my kids about a friend's husband who loved chocolate cake. His wife had made a delicious chocolate cake for the family but because he was working late, there was only one piece left when he got home. The wife found out that an elderly widow also loved chocolate cake, and asked her husband if he would mind taking the last piece of cake over to him. He consented. I was trying to teach my kids about sacrificing for others. I said to my kids, "Wasn't that nice of the husband?" My oldest, seven at the time, said to me, "Ya, because if that had been you, you wouldn't have given it away, you would have eaten it because you love chocolate cake!"

I almost cried. I really want to be a good example to my kids of service. But, in the end, I must concede, that it is my husband that will teach them to truly be unselfish to those around them, not me.

But, hopefully, I will also keep learning from him too. Isn't that one reason we marry the people we do - because we sense that they will make us change and become better?

Swimming, Praying, & Patience

PATIENCE

My parents signed me up for the swim team when I was eight years old. My dad told me that swim team would teach me endurance. As I grew older, I excelled in the 50-yard and 100-yard freestyle events. In other words, I was a sprinter. This may tell you a little bit about my personality: I don’t mind things that are challenging, but I like to get them done and out of the way quickly. Or, in the words of President Uchtdorf, I “don’t like to wait.”

When I told my husband that I was asked to speak on patience today, he smiled and said, “How fitting.” But, then, with a worried look, he quickly added: “Because you are married to the most impatient person in the world.” Unfortunately, he had realized too quickly that anything he said could possibly become “quotable material” for this talk. 

But, in all honesty, my husband was right, I am not a very patient person. In fact, I feel very humbled and unworthy to even attempt to share my thoughts with each of you on President Uchtdorf’s conference talk titled: ‘Continuing In Patience.’  However, as often happens, I feel this topic was divinely assigned to me at a time in my life when I most needed its counsel. President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.”

As a sophomore on the swim team, I competed in the longest race of my life. A new swim coach put me in a new event to see how I would do: the 500-yard freestyle. I was accustomed to swimming two or four lengths of the swimming pool, but the 500-yard freestyle is 20 lengths of the pool. I was a little nervous as I stood up on the diving block, but self-confident and naïve enough. The gun went off and I dove in, already kicking. I swam and swam, and within only a few seconds, I noticed that I was way ahead of everyone around me. I was already a bit cocky, but beamed inside as I continued swimming hard. Of course, I, the impatient sprinter, was swimming much faster than everyone else. The other swimmers were familiar with the importance of finding a slower pace that they could hold firmly for the length of the race. I was not. 

After swimming only five lengths of the pool, I knew that I was in trouble. I still had 15 lengths of the pool left to swim. I had started out swimming too fast and had used up too much of my energy. At this point, I actually began to feel scared, but I kept on swimming. President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears.” I continued to stroke my arms, though my energy was spent. 

It was incredibly difficult. Each stroke, each breath, completing each length of the pool seemed to take forever. President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience require(s) actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results d(o)n’t appear instantly or without effort.” At the time, I knew that I needed to focus my strength and swim harder than I ever had - in order to finish the race. I knew the race would last about 20 minutes more, and without patience and “steady and consistent work” and actively engaging myself toward my goal, I would not be able to finish the race. President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!” I began to re-focus my efforts in order to use my energy more efficiently and wisely. Having patience allowed me to focus my strength, my strokes, and my actions. I thought this would be enough to get me to the end of the race, but it wasn’t.

Quickly, my body became almost completely exhausted. My muscles ached and my legs and arms felt weak. But, more than anything else, I desperately needed more air. The pain in my lungs was excruciating. I gasped and gulped with each turn of my head, desperate for more oxygen. I thought: people must see my struggling, why don’t they do something? But I knew that it was only me that could decide whether or not I would finish the race; no one was forcing me to finish. President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith.” Often we cannot change the trials we are in, but we can control how we react to them. I must admit that I did not feel graceful as I swam, but I was not willing to give up. 

The feeling of absolute despair hit me after only 10 lengths of the pool. I could see people when I turned my head to the side for air, but I felt totally alone. I wondered if I would drown, with all the people around me, watching. I knew people were cheering for me; but I knew they could not swim for me, or remove me from the situation that I was in. All I could do was continue swimming, and wait. President Uchtdorf said, “Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most.” 

The desperation that filled my soul led me, or rather, drove me to prayer. I pled with Heavenly Father that He would not let me drown, that He would help me to finish the race. President Uchtdorf taught, “Knowledge and understanding come at the price of patience.” Because I do not wait “well,” when I am humbled through trials, I find that I lean closer to Heavenly Father when I am required to have patience, particularly when I cannot possibly imagine why things are not working out as I’ve planned. Of course, I really wanted Heavenly Father to remove me from the mess I was in, or at the least, to take away my pain and exhaustion; but, as President Uchtdorf taught, it is the process of patience that is important, and “Heavenly Father (always) ha(s) a purpose in requiring that His children wait.” However, patience alone cannot bring about the desirable and necessary results; we must also have faith. It was not enough for me to continue swimming and praying for help. I had to actually have faith that Heavenly Father would hear my prayer and answer it.

President Uchtdorf taught, “Patience…means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings.” I knew that I could stand up, or stop at one of the walls, and walk away from the race at any time. But, then I would not finish the race. I knew that my younger sister and cousin, also swimmers on the team, would be there, waiting for me, ready to pull me out and celebrate my finish. I didn’t want to give up; I couldn’t, despite the pain and desperation. President Uchtdorf taught, “in your patience you win mastery of your souls.” I knew I wanted to finish, and felt renewed strength as I prayed for help. And although the exhaustion in my muscles and the burning in my lungs persisted, my understanding had been refined; my body was able to continue swimming; I had witnessed an answer to my prayer, my faith had been strengthened, and I felt hope, rather than desperation. President Uchtdorf said, “the work of patience boils down to this: keep the commandments; trust in God, our Heavenly Father, serve Him with meekness and Christlike love; exercise faith and hope in the Savior; and never give up.” 

I did end up finishing the race that day, though not with first place as I had planned at the beginning. My happiness in finishing the race was as great as my relief, but it was deepened because of the process of learning patience that I had experienced. And truly, the finish of the race made the entire experience that much more worth it.  My sister and cousin were there at the wall, reaching for my hand. I remember my sister’s smile and her words: “Liz, you are amazing! You did it!” I gave her my hand, but had no strength to push myself up as she pulled. She quickly grabbed both of my hands within hers, and, with the help of my cousin, literally dragged me out of the pool. My sister hugged me and said, “I knew you could do it!” She then listened patiently as I described through my tears all that had happened during the race.

In preparation for this talk, I asked a few friends: “What tries your patience – the most?” The answers included things like: “kids whining,” “having to repeat myself”, “kids fighting”, “the bed time routine”, and “people who drive under the speed limit.“ President Uchtdorf taught that “persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love…are the foundation of godly patience.” When I first read this quote and thought of my friends’ responses, I wondered if President Uchtdorf had forgotten how frustrating and difficult it is to have patience with children who are fighting, disobeying, and ignoring important requests. But, he also taught, “As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt.” Often it is most challenging to have patience with those that are closest to us, those we love the most. Patience truly does refine our understanding of the plan of salvation, the purpose of life, family, sacrifice, and love. 

Ironically, as a very impatient parent, I am constantly looking for opportunities to help my children learn to wait, and encourage them to be patient. A few days ago, my oldest son celebrated his birthday. He received some money and gift certificates to Target. He has been wanting one very large and expensive Lego set for a while, so I explained to him that if he waited, continued working, earning and saving more money, he would be able to afford to buy it. He was elated. But, then he insisted on going to Target - so that he could just “buy a little toy.” We further discussed his goal of the big Lego set, but he still wanted to just get something little right away. We went to the store and he spent time looking around. And then, he looked at me and said, “I think I’ll wait.” I was proud of him, but my happiness was nothing compared to the visible joy I could see in his eyes. I knew that he was feeling the happiness that stems from self-control and patience, the willingness to work for something that he really wants, and the choice to “delay immediate gratification for future blessings.”

In an attempt to have greater patience, I have found three activities that have helped me to do so: first, to be grateful; second, to trust in the Lord; and third, to pray and then to listen. 

During the past month, I have attempted to find a way to provide supplemental income for our family, without leaving the home. I have spent hours brainstorming and researching opportunities, praying and asking for guidance, but nothing has felt quite right, and nothing has worked out. This has been extremely frustrating for me. In my patriarchal blessing it states: “There will be times that you won’t understand why the answer that you’re expecting is not there, but all things will be for your good. You must have faith.” Initially, I worked hard at focusing my actions and trying to “fix the problem” myself. My frustrations became all-consuming until I realized that I was neglecting to recognize all of the blessings that we already had. I had narrowed my view to be able to see only what I needed, and was ignoring the huge wealth of all that we had. After I chose to be grateful, my ability to be patient during this trial greatly increased. 

Although I felt that I was exercising faith during this trial, it must have been merely a superficial faith because inside I felt only despair. It wasn’t until I put all of my trust in Heavenly Father and His purpose in having me wait, that my patience provided “hope for peace.” The problem had not been solved, nothing had changed, only my inner despair and frustration had been replaced with peace. I felt changed, and I was. President Eyring said about this life: “The Lord doesn’t put us through this test to give us a grade, he does it because the process will change us.” As I began to trust Heavenly Father, I was able to face my trial with grace and faith, and then my ability to wait patiently increased.

In addition to having gratitude and trusting Heavenly Father, I discovered that listening is an important aspect of learning patience. As a parent, if I explain something to my children when they have to wait, they are much more likely to be able to wait with patience. They are more able to trust me. I learned during this trial that I have to look for opportunities and allow time to listen to Heavenly Father “explain things” to me. I found that this happened during moments that I sought for experiences with my Savior, with His Spirit: most often while pondering after my prayers and during my personal scripture study. I immediately noticed that my ability to wait increased as these experiences did, almost exponentially. 

President Uchtdorf said, “The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.” I have felt inspired and strengthened from all I have learned this past month about the purpose of waiting, the process of learning patience, and things I can do to be more patient. In The Book of Mormon, the prophet historian Mormon recorded: “Nevertheless, the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless--whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day.” (Mosiah 23:21-22) I know this is true. As I put my trust in Heavenly Father, in His love, His knowledge, His power, I can be lifted and able to endure my trials with patience, faith, understanding, love, hope, and even happiness.

I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. I feel as Alma did when he expressed: “Who can say too much of (Christ’s) great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.” (Alma 26:16) 

I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know that They love us. I pray that we can all have patience with those around us, especially those that we love. I pray that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will continue to have patience with me.  - Talk given in Church, October 10, 2010