Saturday, August 28, 2010

A Show for the Bikers

Unfortunately, it all hit the fan today.


But, it gets worse, my husband had the day off and he actually saw me handling it as it hit.

Yes, there have been times in the past that I have suddenly realized with a pang of guilt that I am the worst mom in the world. But, my husband has never been home at the precise moment when the painful emotional outbursts occurred. He has always been in a medical school class, the library, or a hospital when the seemingly endless self-depreciating thoughts whirled and tears gushed forth.

My husband doesn't like it when I cry. I don't know why. I've heard most men don't like it when girls cry. But, I like to cry. I think it is cleansing, strengthening, and renewing, in a powerful way. I don't cry often, but when I do, I am usually in the shower.

This is all I probably needed today. The usual, semi-annual 'cry it out' session, a little sleep, and then some laughs about it later.

But I was not in the shower today. I was balling while driving my car. We saw my husband while he was out biking. He saw us. He rode up to the car. I balled more. Then suddenly, his biking buddy/Elder's Quorum President rode up beside him. They both stood there, staring at me uncontrollably bawl-ing without sunglasses.

So, this one somehow felt worse afterwards, and not as cleansing, maybe because my husband witnessed it?

He has since been completely attentive and helpful with cleaning, cooking, and helping get the kids ready for bed. Maybe I should have let him witness one of my semi-annual meltdowns earlier. But, it's only been 11 hours, maybe he will forget it ever happened.


Barb's blessings said...

I had to read this one to Kent. We are both laughing out loud. I can totally relate. We all have those melt-downs once in a while and I agree with you about the good cry. I'm not sure why but since I had the measles in 1992 my tear ducts don't work right and almost no tears come out. It's not nearly as cathartic without the water works. Consequently I'm about 18 years over due. No wonder I'm psychologically a mess.

Love you! AB

Britt-Marie said...

I'm glad to hear others do this too. My husband has witnessed it a few times. He still doesn't understand my need for a good cry once in a while or the 'cleansing effect' you mention, but I think he doesn't get as freaked out when it happens now. ;) hehe