the last 9 yards... I mean, 9 weeks...

Everyone told us this would be the hardest year.

Well, that's not exactly true. Everyone said that the last year of residency would be the hardest. Apparently we made it through that year fine though. Well... that was actually a very trying year that I have mostly tried to forget... but somehow we dug deep enough to invite another year of training. Maybe we wanted to prolong that last year of training? - or double it? Revel in it? Whatever our reasons - or lack of reasoning - we added another year. and my husband is doing a fellowship. And right now, only nine weeks until he is completely finished, things are getting interesting.

We had no idea it could be this challenging.

Mentally. Financially. Emotionally. Physically. Intellectually.

Ok, let's start with the financial aspect of it, (because we all know that financial stress messes with and exacerbates all of the other things listed above).

This is an expensive year. Extremely expensive. We, (well, I - my husband does not agree) should have applied to at least two credit cards last year, when our credit scores were awesome.

We should have sat down and looked at all of the projected expenses for the year. The interview costs (ohmygoodness!), the expenses of the Boards (books, travel, $2,000 exam fee, etc.), moving costs, attorneys fees, licensing fees (how many of these are there??), etc. etc. etc.

Somehow we should have foreseen that our van would need over $5,000 in repairs this year. We also should have predicted that our family would require over $2,500 in dental treatments - (what??? - I know!) We should not have put our two older kids in ski school.

It feels like we are on a roller coaster, but not a very fun one. This roller coaster just continues going down a steep drop. And while we know there is a bottom to our reckless and exhilarating drop, it is not an enjoyable feeling as we now keep waiting and anticipating to hit a curve or a bend... or something - just so that we can take a breath and recoup.

But it doesn't come.

Nine weeks.

So that is my advice. Get an extra line of credit before the last year of training. One with no fees for a year. Or something. Just in case. Maybe you won't have to use it. It'll just be there for you - in case.

The other night my husband said, What are we going to do? I said, Let's just try to be nice to each other.

So we are being nice. And that is good advice too for the last year of training. I think. There is so much going on inside, so many worries, thoughts, expectations, etc. Yes... just be nice to each other.

"...we stay in... we keep working... we keep believing..."

My emotions are bundled up and overwhelmed with worries about finances... again. It is amazing how immobilized I feel when I start worrying. I can hardly function. I barely made it out of my pajamas today before my husband came home - from a 14 out of 24-hour work day. I'm sure there is a medical term for my inability to function... but I don't want my husband analyzing me so I don't think I'll ask him about it.

After I realized how tied up I was (and finished cleaning the entire house), I started to read. I grabbed every book that I could find that I had started reading in the last few months but never finished (it's a bad habit...). I let my kids build floating contraptions, make bubbles in the bathtub and turn on a huge fan to simulate an ocean storm. I let them play football and soccer in the house. I served leftovers for dinner... and cereal for breakfast. It was not a day I would like to brag about - ever. I just needed to read - to immerse myself - to distract myself.

Then I read these words: "We can't worry about what might have happened. All we can do is keep looking." (In 'Because of Winn-Dixie' - a book my daughter told me to read because she liked it so much).

Suddenly I was reminded of how destructive worrying is, what a waste of energy it truly is, that I can actually choose whether or not to worry, it is an action, an activity. And I suddenly felt calm inside. I decided to stop worrying. I knew I just needed to keep moving, continueing to work to take care of my family, play with my kids, be happy, have faith, and stop wasting my time and energy worrying about the future.

This is a neat video... I really like the lessons at the end.

"We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, "I told you it'd be ok, I told you it would be all right." 

I just love that.

food, France, and finances

It's been more than three months now since I began eliminating processed foods, sugars and breads from my diet.  The first few weeks were the most difficult (and, honestly, it is still challenging sometimes)... but the experience overall has definitely been worth it.  I have felt empowered and healthy, truly healthy, inside.  I have lost inches, pounds, and everyone tells me I look much thinner and healthier.  I had no idea that the effects of a healthier diet would be so noticeable, for me on the inside as well as for others on my outside.

Recently, (as mentioned in the post below), I went home to visit my parents for a few weeks.  It was a great respite from the exciting spring we had as a family, being asked by our landlord to move and then told we could stay for one more year (after I packed up half the house).  I also volunteered to be the treasurer for my son's select soccer team (26 boys) after a long deliberation by my son about whether to play select or premier soccer this year.  I also volunteered to take charge of fundraising for my children's elementary school as a member of the PTA executive board, and began attending meetings and trainings.

(My little 4-year old niece took this picture of me during our family reunion.  My face/hair looks crazy but it shows my figure a little bit...)

After my husband took his boards and began his fellowship, I returned home with my kids... against my better judgement, digging my heels in, but fully recognizing that I needed to return to "reality" and my husband (I missed him so much!!).  What I didn't expect was the realization that I had charged an enormous amount of money to our credit card while away.  Our transmission burned up during our 20-hour drive and we spent almost $5,000.00 replacing it in our 2004 Odyssey (I know - not cool, or probably wise!), and because my husband had no income during the month of July, (the fellowship program gave the fellows a month off in order to study for their medical boards), I used our credit card for the month... to live.

The efforts of the last three months to figure out how to overcome my (previous, deeply set) emotional eating habits, to intentionally feed my body and soul, to master my cravings and irresponsible eating, to truly enjoy food but not be controlled by it, all suddenly seemed irrelevant.  The financial stress that quickly crept over me and throughout my being gradually took over during the first two days home... and I began to eat.  Granted I was eating healthy... peanut butter with apples or bananas, walnuts and strawberries on red leaf lettuce, brie cheese on healthy crackers, eggs with tomatoes and pepper jack cheese, homemade black bean burgers, delicious brownies made of walnuts, oatmeal, dates and cocoa, fruit and vegetables, etc. For two days I ate... and ate and ate.  Yesterday by 4:00 pm I was absolutely sick.  I felt awful.  I realized that I had allowed myself to give in to the comfort that food offers, the addictiveness of eating delicious food to satisfy stress and the bodily cravings associated with dealing with stress.

This morning I grabbed a book that I borrowed from my mom's bookshelf when I was there: French Women Don't Get Fat, by Mireille Guiliano.  (I have an fascination with France and always have... I studied French in college and have dreamed of going there (or living there!) ever since.)  It has been delightful to read.  There are so many wise tidbits... like:

To be successful, "...you have to be ready to embrace pleasure and individual happiness as your goals."
"A French woman's secret is mainly in her head.  It is one thing to identify your offenders, quite another thing to manage them."
"Novelty is a powerful distraction.  Choose quality over quantity: pick things in season."
"A walk not only uses calories, it can be wonderfully meditative, clearing your head and making you less vulnerable to eating for psychological comfort."
"Deprivation is the mother of failure.  Any program that your mind interprets as punishment is one your mind is bound to rebel against."
"He (her physician) was telling me to be the master of my pleasures as well as my restraint."
"Three months of discovering new things and getting to know your body better is a kindness to yourself that will continue to be repaid for years to come."

This is one of my favorite parts of the book so far:

"At least half of our bad eating and drinking habits are careless, they grow out of inattention to our true needs and delights.  We don't notice what we are consuming, we are not alert to flavors--we are not really enjoying our indulgences, and therefore we think nothing of them and overdo it.  Perhaps you have given up caring about fashion.  Or trying other new things?  It maybe easy for a wife, mother, and full-time worker to neglect pleasure; perhaps a part of you even thinks it's selfish.  But you must understand there is nothing noble in failing to discover and cultivate your pleasures... You owe it to your loved ones as well as yourself to know and pursue your pleasures.  And since everyone's taste and metabolism are unique, you must pay attention to yourself-- to what delights you-- so you can tailor your system and preferences.  It's a lifelong commitment, but it promises a lifetime of good health and contentment."

I am only half way into the book but I felt that I had to share some of these tidbits that inspired me to step back and evaluate my current psychological health and make a plan for being successful in my desire to live healthily, happily and fully. 

do physicians make too much money?

Has anyone read this??!!  It is very well written, thorough, and enlightening.  Yet, it also absolutely makes you crazy! 

The Deceptive Income of Physicians, http://benbrownmd.wordpress.com/

I think we still would have gone down this road if we had read this beforehand (way back in 2001), but it's still painful to read now.  Really.


I guess it is a good thing that being a physician is a rewarding career - in general, as well as in so many little ways that add up over a lifetime. 

maybe too much of a temptation

I was recently visiting my family out of state.  One day my mom took me and my sister to a furniture consignment shop.  We often visited this shop when I lived closer because we knew the owner and loved her style.  But this time, the shop was different - it had doubled in size and the owner now offers clothing, shoes, jewelry, etc.  I started trying on clothing - like a crazy woman, (note: I have not officially entered a fitting room and tried on an article of clothing more than four times since 1999), and amassing an enormous pile of "keepers" in my dressing room.  My mother graciously footed the bill resulting from my insane, unrestrained behavior, and I came home with a ton of new clothing for a fiftieth of the original price.

I immediately fell in LOVE with consignment shops.  (Why didn't anyone tell me about them???)

I found one (with google) less than two miles from my home.  I dropped in today, searching for a specific item.  It was a lovely, tempting, adorable, inspiring, satisfying, invigorating, and fun experience.  I found just what I was hoping to find - but much better - for much, much less than I would have paid for the same item new.  (I know this for sure, because the store owner showed me a picture of the item in its Original Designer's Spring Catalog... oh yes.)  I should probably never return.  But I know I will.  Maybe tomorrow.  And I'll get a sitter for my kids.  And go alone.  And take my sweet time.

It's so, so much more fun to shop when the prices are actually reasonable - or at least somewhat within reach.

couches

We made new friends.  We went to their house the other day.  They didn't have any furniture in their large front room - or anything at all, not even a chair or random toy lying on the floor.  I was completely shocked.  They moved here about six months ago.  Immediately I began brainstorming ways to find her a couch set, a chair, a coffee table, bookcase - something with which to fill their front room.  I wished we were moving sooner so that I could give her our set of couches.  The wife explained happily how much her kids love the empty living room.  She honestly didn't seem to mind at all.  (Then I thought about how much my kids would absolutely love to have their own empty room to play in.)  The rest of the house was similar: a single, small table in the center of a huge area, nothing else in the room.

When she visited our home later she said we have the exact couches that she has been wanting for years.  I told her that my cousin gave me the couches after her children spilled food and drew colorful and expansive pictures with markers all over them, (they cleaned up perfectly with warm water and dish soap).  At the time, I felt so lucky to have them.  But the other day, I started thinking about how soon I would be able to give her our couch set, (and how I would explain it to my husband...).

Sometimes, perspective is everything.

It would be so easy to be miserable during these years of residency.  As I drove home I was overcome with gratitude for all that we have; we have so, so much.

(So, never let me complain about finances again... okay?)

managing finances for all

My 7-year old daughter opened up a money market account yesterday.  She eagerly takes on any opportunity to earn money.  She exhibits unsurpassed self-control (and has for over two years now) when it comes to spending her money - even just a nickle.  It is impressive.  Especially because her older brother cannot bear the thought of having even one quarter sitting in his piggy bank.  He rushes straight to the store to spend it as soon as he possibly can.  My daughter was becoming quite neurotic about burglars (and her brothers) taking her money.  So, we finally went to the bank and she deposited a huge amount of cash.

I recently received an e-mail from my financial institution.  It was a newsletter that included an article about budgeting.  In the article I found multiple interesting links to budgeting games for children and adults.  Here is a link to a recent article in The Seattle Times that was quoted in the newsletter: Budgeting is a lot like eating spinach - good for you.

I appreciated the links to the children's games in the newsletter.  (Believe me, I have tried diligently to illustrate the value in saving money while playing Monopoly with my son, but he just doesn't seem to get it; but with a computer game... I have high hopes.)  My oldest son received more than $100 in cash and Target gift cards for his birthday recently.  He quickly spent all of it on a huge Lego police station, a Wii game, more Pokemon cards.  No matter how much we tried to convince him to wait it out, save the money, or at least part of it, he was determined to spent almost every single penny - immediately.

Even for adults it is difficult to exercise self-control and save money.  I remember often my dad telling me: "Everyone knows how to spend money; most people just don't know how to save money."  But even when we have experienced often the inner peace that comes from exercising self-control and saving money, it is difficult to make it a habit, and overcome the random, rare, personal financial temptations, (for me: children's books, organic produce, birthday gifts...).

We signed up for mint.com a while ago, but I never spent the necessary time breaking down all of my bills and grocery receipts, etc. so it is not very accurate or useful for us yet.  I can see how potentially useful it could be there, if I can just get myself to invest the necessary time in the initial setup.  The most interesting link was payoff.com, a site that focuses on managing and paying off debt.  People can "earn badges" and become eligible to win money when they manage their money well.  We could probably use that after residency is over.

Oh yes, we could.

a sad farewell

Last Sunday at church, a neighbor introduced me to her son.  He finished his ophthalmology residency a little over one year ago.  He is married with four children.  We talked briefly about residency life.  I asked him how life had changed since finishing his training.  He paused only briefly and said, "Life is a lot more convenient now."  I must have looked confused because then he said, "Like, we can go to Costco."  I chuckled and nodded, indicating that I knew what he was talking about.  But, I was waiting for more; I had no idea what he had meant.

That was it.  He offered nothing more.

As I've thought - over and over again - about that conversation, and being determined lately with renewed focus and energy to change my spending habits, I have recognized that we have been living rather lavishly, (apparently, according to my neighbor's son).  In other words, I go to Costco at least once a month, usually more.

But, really, I thought everyone went to Costco - no matter what.  It has always seemed so necessary, like sleeping, really.

So, an experiment (possibly an extremely short one): leave Costco alone.  Try to survive without my usual Costco trips where I grab everything I possibly can because everything is such a great deal and in such large quantities that I fantasize about not needing to shop again for an extended period of time (this is desirable for me since I detest shopping, but it is a delusion - I don't know how Costco accomplishes it).

We'll see how it works out.  Maybe it will last longer than my goal to go to sleep every night before 10:00 p.m. - seeing as it is currently 12:06 a.m.  I fell asleep earlier tonight while putting my 18-month old down at 8:30 p.m. so I had a nice nap squished on a toddler bed beside him and woke up at 11:00 p.m. with energy to e-mail, read, and blog.

Ultimately, I am really good at giving excuses.  Hopefully this experiment will help me curb my spending a bit though.

blah blah blah money

This is my new favorite website that I will be visiting often: http://www.moneysavingmom.com/

I am currently making huge changes in my money-spending behaviors, largely because I had an attitude change and decided that we can survive financially in this overly-priced city, and that we will survive.

Here's another good one that I found: http://www.frugallivingnw.com/

I started explaining to my husband one day after he woke up after working all night and sleeping all morning.  He wriggled and mumbled something about "not stifling him too much, and making his life miserable," disappeared, and three minutes later suddenly reappeared in his biking clothes and announced that he would be back in two hours.

My husband has great (unexplained) fears of credit card debt (thank goodness), so I told him if he really, really wants something, he will now need to use his credit card and... go into debt.  This way, he will not feel "afflicted" with my new budget a.k.a. my new attitude, and we will still be sticking to my budget, (assuming he never actually uses his credit card, which I don't think I'll have to worry about, but I do want him to know and feel that he has options.)

We'll see if it sticks - it's only been one week since my transformation.  But I think it's a pretty serious transformation since I suggested to my husband that we sell our gorgeous king Pottery Barn Sumatra bed (we bought it right before moving when we actually had quite a bit of savings) and matching bedside tables.

Yes, it was my dream bed, and it was our first (only mattresses before now).  We bought it super cheap off of craigslist.  But, the thought of selling it had never even occurred to me before my "transformation," so maybe it is real.

Tracking Money

Since the majority of my conversations with friends lately have involved finances, last week a friend recommended this site to me: mint.com.

It is super neat, and extremely complete. You can track every penny really easily and find trends with your spending and plan for future savings. What an ingenious website! I feel like I am really good at tracking every penny we spend, but lack seeing the big picture with my monthly excel budget sheets. Plus, this website allows you to have everything at one site, rather than needing to check credit card monthly totals, bank account totals, etc. on various websites. It simplifies the tracking of money spent and money saved. The ideas on the website pushed me to plan better by saving just a little bit - even $5 a week would add up to something later!

The Hair Dilemma

I have spent the last 1.4 years weaving my own hair. Now, when I say 'weaving' I mean foiling my hair with low lights and high lights. This sounds much easier than it is - mostly because of The Back of my head. For about six years I added high lights to my hair with gloved hands and no foils, before I discovered that I could actually do the low lights also - if I learned how to use Reynolds Wrap. This was extremely difficult initially, but eventually I felt like it was at least Do-able. (Here's a link for wikiHow on foiling hair.)

It worked OK sometimes, and sometimes it didn't work so well. But, I always had a backup: another stay-at-home mom that had been to beauty school and worked out of a 'beauty parlor' in her small living room apartment charging somewhere around $30 for a weave.

Normally, I could get away with highlighting it myself, or foiling with low lights and highlights for about six months or so, but never have I gone for this long without professional help. Yesterday, I felt like it was honestly too scary for me to attempt to fix - alone. But, there I was again, at the beauty supply store, asking for assistance. A lot of it. The cashier gave me multiple little samples of colored hair for me to hold up to my roots while looking in a mirror. We discussed at length the color and the end result I was envisioning. She recommended different products and wrote down the mixture ratios of dye, bleach, and developers for me. I spent $14. The closest beauty school to me right now starts a weave at $75.

Even though I have done this multiple times, I still needed lots of advice from the cashier. This is because I would rather have my hair look like this:

than like this:
But, it always turns out like this. My husband likes blonde, so I always add a little blonde but then immediately dread the imminent Incoming Roots. That's why, I guess, I'm in this whole mess with the beauty supply store. Plus, I like to take my stress out on my hair, (Reminder: birthday party is today).

As I walked out of the beauty supply store yesterday, I felt empowered - again.

That was all nice, until after I spent 1.2 hours in my bathroom, after my kids were asleep, surrounded by mixed dyes and developers, Reynolds Wrap, brushes, heavy fumes, and then viewed The End Result. Most of it looks all right (ignoring the back which I don't have a mirror to look at anyway, so that is helpful), that is, EXCEPT for the pleasant looking, overly-bleached, large yellow spot in the exact center of my natural part, directly on the top of my head.

And, rather than other things, I will just say this: I will be so excited if I can ever afford to get my hair highlighted by someone else - or rather, a professional stylist - again.

Residency & Deprivation

In the past I have used an Excel spreadsheet for our budget, to track every penny spent. Today, I discovered a budget spreadsheet in Numbers on our Mac. It was actually quite exciting and even a little fun. The spreadsheet showed me exactly how much we can save each month while living on a physician resident's income. Based on the numbers I punched in for income and expenses, the spreadsheet created a table and a bar graph of our savings. Most of the time, the graph was in the negative range, with zero at the top and the bars going down. My simplest and frugal-ist budget yielded a year-end total of -$4,000.00.

I found it quite comical and a bit entertaining.

Then, after laughing for a bit and manipulating the numbers as much as possible, I decided that I need a job.

A recent article in the Ensign counseled: "It is important when maintaining frugality as a long-term lifestyle to avoid feelings of deprivation. You can do this by using creativity and resourcefulness to fulfill your wants."

When I read this last week, I thought it was very pertinent financial advice for medical residents supporting families.

We have avoided feelings of deprivation during medical school and my husband's intern year by having a slush fund, a separate savings account that we would put a little bit ($25-$50) into each month. We could spend this slush fund however we wanted, with no guilt.

However, according to my new Numbers budget spreadsheet, there will be no slush fund, or savings fund, and we will still be in the red... unless I get a job. Previously, I argued that if I got a job, we would only find ways to spend more, and we would still need more money. This is no longer the case.

Residency just gets more and more exciting.

Maybe we should have aimed for a program in a smaller city, particularly where the cost of living was much less than where we are now.

Too late for that talk. Now I just need to focus, and find a job that will allow me to bring my four kids with me to work. Ya.

Forgetting Target

Last weekend, while traveling around Target, I noticed someone following me. He looked like a Target employee. I continued shopping and continued to notice him near me, watching me and my kids. I wondered at first if he was interested in how I managed four children while shopping all by myself, but, after more time passed, I started to wonder whether he suspected me of being a shoplifter. He even got into the checkout line next to ours at the same time we did. He watched our every move. Then, as I approached the doors, he was standing there, next to the security gate, drinking a soda and watching us as we went through. I was upset; I couldn't figure out why he had followed me.

I told my husband about it later. I said, "I'm sure I look frazzled when I'm shopping with all four kids, but, do I look dishonest?" He responded, "The frazzled ones are the ones who shoplift... Plus, look at you." (He totally didn't say this in a mean way.) I was wearing my workout clothes with my hair pulled back - but, I did have lipstick on.

His response didn't make me feel any better.

This experience haunted me for days. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I couldn't get the feelings it aroused out of my heart. I wished that I had approached him and asked him why he was following me. I prepared endless speeches for him, things that I could have and should have said to him.

I realized that I needed to figure out why this experience bothered me so much, and I mean so much. I needed to find a way to put it behind me.

Then, it hit me, I had been judged as being from a lower economic class, and I actually am from a lower economic class. Right now, with my husband's medical resident's salary supporting six people, our family qualifies for every possible government subsidized program that is offered for families living below the poverty level. This experience affected me deeply because he was right about me being a "low-income" individual, but concluded wrong that I would likely also be desperate, and dishonest.

It reminded me in a (much too) powerful way to never. judge. people. around me, even if I think I know all of their circumstances and tendencies. It also taught me to avoid letting other peoples' judgments have power over me, and my happiness.

TYLENOL Scholarship Program

A friend just sent me this link for information on a scholarship funded by Tylenol for people seeking degrees in healthcare-related education programs. The deadline for this year has passed, but keep it in mind for next year.

The program will award $250,000 in scholarships to forty students (ranging from $5,000 to $10,000) "based on leadership qualities and performance."

Some Results of Effective Parenting

Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing various means to increase our monthly income after we move for residency. My husband suggested that I teach piano lessons from our home, (I'll post more about that later), but our 5-year old overheard us talking and said, "That is not the way to get money." So we asked her how she thought we should get money, (sometimes her ideas really are amazing). She said, "Just ask Grandpa. That's what we do, we just ask you guys, and you give us money."

This is so not true! We have weekly chores that they do not get paid for, and if they complete these chores, then we offer them a "job" that we pay them to do. They so know that they have to work to make money.

And then, another conversation happened, I think just to make me feel better, and really bring home the fact that our teaching our kids about money and work is proving extremely effective:

Me (to my older kids, the night before we left early for San Diego): Okay, so when you wake up, be sure to remember to bring your pillows downstairs with you so that you will have a pillow to rest on during the car ride.

5-year old: Why should we work? You and Dad are the ones that are supposed to work.

Me: You are considering "carrying your pillow down to the car" as work?

5-year old: Yes. You should do it for us.

Hello. Does anyone else feel like everything you have been teaching and are currently teaching your children is totally not sinking in? (Actually, my dad does like to count the coins he has collected in his glass SoBe bottles with the grandchildren when we visit, and they often get to keep some of the money... but, still.)

FINANCING LIFE DURING MEDICAL SCHOOL

Suddenly I remembered the other day how much easier our financial situation seemed during medical school. Because we were both in school during the second half of my husband's education, we had double the access to student loans. This gave us a hugely erroneous view of how to manage money.

Me: "It's almost December, we need to buy plane tickets to visit your family for Christmas."
Doctor: "We don't have money to buy five plane tickets right now."
Me or Doctor: "Should I take out an additional school loan?"
Doctor: "Okay."
Me: "Okay."

Done.

Some people say doctors go nuts (spending money) after they finish their training because "they have been poor for so long." I think it is because they have been "borrowing for so long." We didn't have a budget, just a record of running totals of our expense categories. We were careful and tried not to go over our "budget", but in reality we never really limited how much we spent, we just kept track so that we knew where the money was going, and, more importantly, when we needed to get an additional loan.

There was always money available if we needed extra.

I am glad that we are currently having opportunities to learn many financial (and sometimes, yes, painful) lessons. The resident physician's salaries are definitely not designed to single-handedly provide for a family of six. But, I feel that the lessons are very valuable. I believe there is a spiritual connection between learning financial self-discipline, and to be happy with what you have, instead of always wanting and wishing for more.

A GARAGE SALE after? THE MOVE

So, although my parents have moved into a house much larger than their previous home (roughly 2,000 sq. ft.), they are discovering that somehow they do not have enough room for their furniture and belongings.

My siblings and I have been encouraging my parents to sell or give away a large number of pieces of furniture, along with other smaller items. (The number of hutches and secretaries that they own is beyond incredible.) I previously thought this would actually be fun - a lot of work - but still fun.

Unfortunately, I was met with quite a bit of resistance. Even worn and useless pieces of furniture were being protected from my putting them in the "garage sale" or D.I. area of the garage.

One reason for the resistance seemed to be because every piece of furniture they own has a story - a very personal and meaningful one.)

However, as I was browsing the Pottery Barn website tonight, I found multiple pieces of furniture that were almost exactly like my parents' pieces (minus a little paint and stain, etc.)

I was feeling frustrated that my parents were not more willing to let go of pieces of furniture that they did not use, or ones that were not very nice; but, after seeing the high prices of similar pieces, I understood why this might be.

My husband and I have never actually ventured out to buy a piece of new furniture. We have been given furniture, found low-priced, used furniture on craigslist.org, or have built it (my husband built a t.v. stand, and that will probably be all he will ever build). I really have no concept of how expensive furniture is, and have never been without furniture.

But, the cost of the furniture did not seem to be the main reason that it was difficult to let go of things. My parents place high value on antique pieces of furniture, and pieces that hold sentimental value (that was from "the aunts," or "this is an antique!" or "this was the first piece of furniture we bought together," (though we heard that last one a lot.)

During this process I have learned a lot about my parents' priorities and values, and the interesting oneness they share in valuing the material things they own and love. They never taught us to value material things or spend time worrying about how we looked. They taught us to value education with an extra focus on treating others with respect and kindness (especially those different from us).

But even after this week, the values they taught us are reiterated. They value the memories brought with their furniture, not the pieces of furniture. They value having a place for their children and grandchild to come and enjoy time together as a family.

Hopefully we will be able to figure out how to organize their things so that the environment in their new home is uncluttered and simple, but also meaningful, inspiring and warm. Just like my parents.

A HELPFUL CHECKLIST TO PUT FINANCES IN ORDER

This is a great financial checklist of 31 things to do in order to increase your savings and decrease your spending, etc. There are videos and explanations for each item on the list. It is written by the Your Money columnist at NYTimes.

Some things on the checklist don't apply to us right now, so I plan to tailor the list to our needs and then print it off. I am going to use this to revamp our current budget because we are moving for residency to a city where "everything costs more," (according to all sources we've talked to).

ARE MY PRIORITIES ASKEW?

A few weeks ago I threw out all of my old saute pans. They were really nice pans. Well, two were really nice, but the other was super cheap originally. The bottom of all of the pans were flaking whenever I cooked anything, and I knew I couldn't hide the black pieces of plastic in the food, (too big to be pepper!), so it really was a good thing.

I called my mom to find out what type of pan to buy to avoid ingesting aluminum, etc. When I called, I was shopping for food and happened upon some pans in one of the aisles at the super market. She strongly encouraged me to go to a "specialty cooking store"and pay for some really good ones. She suggested at least $150 per pan. I asked if Costco would have some less expensive, high-end pans. She said no. I reminded her that we did not have money to spend on cooking pans. (I probably said it like that too.)

Then she reminded me of the expensive bikes that we own.

I knew and had realized before that my husband and I have kind of strange priorities, (luckily they are somewhat aligned though), but it suddenly hit me that I was neglecting to prioritize the health of my family. I wondered (silently) whether I would have the self discipline to save my money to buy a really nice pan that for much money.

I ended up buying some rather inexpensive pans (a set of three) at Costco. I figure they should last me at least three years, especially if I only use my $1.50 plastic spatula that I also bought for the pans, just so that I don't scratch them - at all.

It's amazing that I would rather compromise the possible health threats to my family of aluminum in the saute pans, but maintain our crazy tendency to spend lots of money on sports and anything slightly related to them. This seems hard to change. I'm not sure if I can. It just seems so obvious which I should save my money for: a bike or a kayak, versus a saute pan or a cheese grater.

I'm lucky to have my mom to remind me of what really is important. Sometimes I wish I could listen to her advice better, but in the end, sometimes I can't. Three years of residency will go by pretty quickly though, right?

MONEY PROBLEMS

We are having huge problems with money in our family.

Somehow our oldest son consistently spends the money that he earns on ice cream after school or little treats at the store; yet, somehow, he always has money leftover in his piggy bank. He cannot give clear reasons for why this is, or even where his money is coming from. At one point, he said that he was helping his friends at school and they were paying him for his work. Tonight he said that he just finds the money in his piggy bank.

Meanwhile, our five-year old daughter works hard (harder than her older brother) and saves all of her money carefully; yet she  seems to have less money each time we look in her piggy bank.

So, the immediate solution I can think of is for mommy to be in charge of (and hide) the piggy banks!

But honestly, it just baffles me that already, at age seven and age five, my kids already have a sense of how important money is. But, even at these ages, there are things that I should be teaching my kids about money. I have been focusing more on teaching them to enjoy working and earning money. There is an article in the March issue of REAL SIMPLE magazine (I love, love this magazine) about family money matters that I thought was just great. We have a lot to discuss in our family at our next family gathering.