Last night my husband was on call - from home. It was interesting. About once every hour one of his pagers went off (he was covering for two clinics), he sprung out of bed to answer the call and jumped on his computer. Fascinating conversations ensued, but by morning I could not recall one single detail from any of them. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was exhausted, but I had never even opened my eyes during the night.
One comment left by a resident's wife under my "being married" tab states how "her whole life revolves around [her husband] and medicine always comes first." I honestly have to admit that I have never felt this way, (but this is likely due to my strong (narcissistic, selfish...) personality). I do feel that my husband's choice of career has affected me and our family, but I would never describe it in those terms. As much as I would like to admit that my "whole life revolves around" my husband, it doesn't. My top loyalties and priorities never change. He is one of them, but he is not at the top. I would be a very unhealthy and unhappy person if my husband solely defined my happiness and/or success.
But last night, for the first time, her comment left so long ago seemed to come to life for me.
My survival instincts, however, still prevail. Rather than dwelling on how torturous the night was, and how my life is inevitably caught up in his responsibilities, stresses, duties, long hours, etc., I've decided that next time he is on call from home, I will just sleep in a separate room.