Okay, here is a recent question for all Readers, from another doctor's wife:
"I would like to ask for some advice from the spouses of Docs or Docs to be on how to handle the house responsibilities. I understand that as Docs they have their hands full most of the time if not all but I still wonder how to divide chores without creating too much pressure or extra pressure/demands. I have been married for 2 years now and I'm concerned that if we don't work something out soon, it will only get worse as he dives into his profession even further. One of my concerns is that we have started talking about starting a family soon and I would be 100% sure if only I knew that he was going to help me out, but when i think of how extremely uncomfortable it feels to even ask him to walk the dogs once in a while it scares me to even think about having kids. Any advice is greatly appreciated."
I hope others can tackle this question better than I can.
My husband's and my responsibilities are so divided and so dissimilar, it is remarkable, I think. There is very little overlap or involvement in each others' lives, really, particularly when it comes to household duties.
However, my husband is extremely on board where the children are involved. He is always planning a family getaway for a short weekend, or a short afternoon hike or a visit to a park. He often takes one child at a time to run errands and spend extra time talking one-on-one with each one. He listens to me talk about the children at night, when I know he needs to be sleeping. If he happens to be home, he always jumps right in to pick up or drop off children, or stay home while one is sleeping. He is always available to discuss problems I am having as a parent, or just listen as I talk endlessly about our children's successes and frustrations. And sometimes he changes a diaper, or two.
And sometimes I notice he has picked up the toys, or loaded the dishwasher, or switched a load of laundry. And then I love him even more.
Everyone is so different in how they balance their busy lives. And I don't think that any one way is right, or the best.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and insist on a day to wear my pj's all day and relax. Sometimes my lull takes longer, especially if I can't take a whole day to recuperate. My life is full of many little cycles of activity. I can tackle many things alone and somewhat balance all of the demands of multiple children and a certified absentee husband, but only for a time. I can attend book fairs, basketball games, cub scouts, play groups, library story times, church functions, etc. with anywhere from two to four children in tow, grocery shop, prepare meals, do laundry, clean the house, etc., but then I need a break. A real break.
Sometimes it is difficult to explain to my husband why I need a break. He sees my life so differently, I know. But, I see his life differently than he does also. There is no way for us to step completely into each others' lives right now. Sometimes I feel we are in completely different worlds. But as long as he recognizes that I need a break, and doesn't complain when the sink is overflowing with dishes or the laundry is piled high or I don't feel like being social, then everything moves along smoothly... and we honestly feel and act like a team.