Wednesday, June 6, 2012

is there anything left for him?

A few days ago my husband blurted out to me, "You have been so difficult to live with lately!"

So, I began to attempt to explain to my husband why this may be so, (because I could not deny it).  After rambling a bit about the depressing book I was reading (Wuthering Heights), and my inability to go to sleep at night until I completely emptied my brain of all 'to-do' items, which often involves brainstorming names of people that I can ask to help me get my kids to various activities, and trying to illustrate to him why I have dug myself into this deep hole of crazy-business, I could tell he just wasn't getting it, so I said the first thing that came to my mind: "Because I am exhausted by the time the kids go to sleep, and then you are there and want to talk and I almost want to cry because I am so tired."

He responded, very nicely, "Wow, I'm sorry.  I always assume that you need and want to talk at night.  I am often exhausted too, so it is all right with me if we don't make time for each other after the kids go down.  Just tell me if you are too tired to talk and just need to go to sleep, and I won't be offended at all."

I was exhausted from even trying to explain to him why I was exhausted.  I let it go, knowing I had blown it and would need to fix what I had said, (because I really love and look forward to talking with my husband).  We were both sitting at the kitchen counter, both eating cereal for dinner, he, having recently returned home from work at 9:15 p.m., and me, recently returned from a preschool co-op meeting and taking the babysitter home while a neighbor sat in our living room because the kids were all asleep in bed.

Since then I have thought more about it.  Essentially, it comes down to this:  Each day, I am not saving anything for my husband.  I have created this hectic, self-destructive schedule for my kids and for myself that is totally draining me of all energy, including my backup adrenalin.  By the time my husband gets home, I am beyond the point of being able to hold a cordial conversation, let alone be patient and respectful if he interrupts my groove in any way.

So, how do I save 10% for the end of the day, or maybe more realistic, 2%? How do you deny your children as they naturally seek to drain all 100% by 4:00 p.m.?  I guess, if I am to be realistic, a lot will settle itself as baseball, gymnastics, and my daughter's soccer ends, not to mention along with school, in less than two weeks...  I love that movie, We Bought a Zoo.  I totally get it.


Jamie Lamb said...

Have you ever thought about maybe staggering kids activities throughout the year? Like have only one sport going on at a time...take turns. Spring sports are for child #1, summer sports for child #2, fall sports for child's an idea, at least! :)

For me, I decided a few years ago to just wait until my kids were around 10 to start any of that stuff. They take swim, piano (taught by dad), and cub scouts, but nothing else. I like it.

We just watched We Bought a Zoo last week--isn't that little girl so cute with the curly hair! Loved her!

Liz said...

Yes, Jamie, my thoughts about how to limit my ridiculous inability to say no to additional activities for my children are endless. My latest brilliant idea is you limit what activities we do: soccer and swim team. Those will be the only two choices, so either they can participate or not. Maybe a coincidence that those were my two sports growing up... Oh well. I do agree with you though. One activity is a lot for a mom, and for a kid. I wish this had not taken me so long to figure out. Thanks for your ideas!!