Wednesday, October 31, 2012

switching perspectives with a jolt

It started raining recently.  It had been dry for so long, I had forgotten completely how the rain makes me feel, that I live in the Northwest.  As I watched the heavy rain fall, the reverberations of the fellowship results, the extended year of training, suddenly came creeping inside me again.  I felt trapped inside... and just a little bit sad.  I quickly reminded myself that wallowing in those feelings would not get me anywhere.  I pushed them aside and pulled out my raincoat.  But since that moment, those feelings have crept back twice more.  I started to wonder if I will ever fully embrace and be happy for another year of training, or if I will continually struggle emotionally until my husband is actually done. 

Then, on Monday, I read the novel, Sarah's Key.  The tragic life - particularly the childhood - of the main character is unimaginable.  As I kneeled to pray after finishing the book, I cried and cried as I thanked Heavenly Father for all of the blessings my children and our family receive each day.  I thought about all of the people preparing for Hurricane Sandy, and then about all of the people living in countries where there is violence and fear.  I felt so, so grateful that we are not constantly surrounded by dangers and stricken with fear.  That we are together, laughing, eating, learning, and enjoying life.  The experience aroused deep feelings of gratitude and peace.

Hopefully this brief yet powerful experience of switching perspectives will allow me to more acutely enjoy this time of my life - especially the extra year of training - while living in the Northwest's endless rain.

1 comment:

From A Doctors Wife said...

Are you staying in the NW for fellowship? Does that mean you don't have to move! An extra year without the added pressure of moving is a blessing that I hope is yours. I love your posts. I have said it before, but I sincerely mean it. As one who recently lived through the fellowship decision and is now right in the middle of it I can promise you it isn't that bad. Especially once you get over the grieving for what might have been right now. Hang in there, we all have so much to be grateful for and these are exciting times - enjoy it!