My emotions are bundled up and overwhelmed with worries about finances... again. It is amazing how immobilized I feel when I start worrying. I can hardly function. I barely made it out of my pajamas today before my husband came home - from a 14 out of 24-hour work day. I'm sure there is a medical term for my inability to function... but I don't want my husband analyzing me so I don't think I'll ask him about it.
After I realized how tied up I was (and finished cleaning the entire house), I started to read. I grabbed every book that I could find that I had started reading in the last few months but never finished (it's a bad habit...). I let my kids build floating contraptions, make bubbles in the bathtub and turn on a huge fan to simulate an ocean storm. I let them play football and soccer in the house. I served leftovers for dinner... and cereal for breakfast. It was not a day I would like to brag about - ever. I just needed to read - to immerse myself - to distract myself.
Then I read these words: "We can't worry about what might have happened. All we can do is keep looking." (In 'Because of Winn-Dixie' - a book my daughter told me to read because she liked it so much).
Suddenly I was reminded of how destructive worrying is, what a waste of energy it truly is, that I can actually choose whether or not to worry, it is an action, an activity. And I suddenly felt calm inside. I decided to stop worrying. I knew I just needed to keep moving, continueing to work to take care of my family, play with my kids, be happy, have faith, and stop wasting my time and energy worrying about the future.
This is a neat video... I really like the lessons at the end.
"We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, "I told you it'd be ok, I told you it would be all right."
I just love that.