Monday, August 23, 2010

Biking with a Resident

Now that we are passed our Miscommunication Issues that we were dealing with constantly last month, things are running more smoothly. We were both so stressed all month; we assumed each other already knew and understood the other's concerns and worries. We were too stressed about our own challenges.

Most of the time in a marriage relationship both partners give 50% and meet their spouse somewhere in the middle. I've decided a medical resident, especially during the first few months of each year of residency, can only afford a little over 3%. Last month, this immediate demand for me to provide the necessary and striking 97% to our relationship was met with a bit of resistance. I was at my wits' end already. The kids must have distracted us enough so that we could not focus on how poorly we were communicating and 'meeting in the middle.'

Maybe that's why we had four kids before my husband started his medical residency.

On NPR the other day, there was a piece about a couple that did a bicycle tour together. The wife said that she realized after the trip how similar marriage is to a long road bike trip. She said, you prepare ahead of time and you think that you know what you are getting yourself into, but in actuality you find out that you learn a lot more than you thought you would, and that you have to be willing to work together and forgive each other often. Her words gave a simple and powerful view of marriage. We have to work at it - together. We have to be willing to learn from experience. And we have to forgive each other - a lot.

How simple. And really, how rewarding, just like a long road bike trip.


Jamie Lamb said...

I like the 97% and 3% thing...very true!

I had a friend last year who was a single mom at the time, with 3 kids about the same ages as mine. I remember talking with her about how the work load was very similar for us, but the emotional drain was much harder for her. It's always helped keep my "woes" in perspective.

Even if I function as a single mom 97% of the time, I know I do actually have a husband who loves me. (even though I don't see him much, and he's crazy tired when I do, and we communicate very poorly sometimes! yikes!)

The bike analogy is good--I think it's more like one of those two-seater bikes though, and only my pedals work. :) Just kidding..kinda!

Amy's Blog! said...

I realized this weekend the same thing... and we do not have kids the stress of finalizing "the list" to submit by September 1st is stressful enough.