Saturday, January 29, 2011

I am really good at remembering only the good

Interesting how time changes our perspective and we remember only the positive, uplifting moments of our lives.  I wish I had kept a journal or written a blog years ago. I wish I could remember the details, how we survived the little trials as well as the big ones.  Because now, mostly I just remember always being happy.

I found a picture the other day of my husband and I.  It brought back so many memories.  In the picture, we had just stepped out of a university building onto a green lawn to enjoy refreshments following his White Coat Ceremony, a somewhat symbolic "initiation" into medical school.  It is sunny.  He is wearing his white coat.  We are both posing for the camera with huge smiles.  I was stretching my neck up, probably standing on my tiptoes; my husband had his head tilted, lightly resting on the top of my head.  Honestly, we look SO happy.  And, I remember being happy.   Life seemed perfect, and so wonderful.

When I looked at it the other day, I remembered another day when I found the picture in a stack of photos many months after it was taken, during my husband's second year of medical school.  I clutched the picture and quickly found a frame for it.  It was something I needed desperately at the time.  I needed to be reminded of how happy we were to begin his career path as a physician.  I needed to remember and see how much we loved each other.  I needed to see us unified in purpose and heart.  I placed it on a shelf directly above my kitchen sink.  I knew, with it placed there, I would be able to look at it often, whether intentionally or not.

Often I write about our years during my husband's medical school with fondness, with a hint of mystic and carefree happiness.  Initially, I don't think of the challenges, or the tears.  When I found this picture again, it reminded me of that day, of those weeks, more than four years ago, that I needed something to get me through a difficult time.  I remember well my feelings but wish I could remember the circumstances causing them.

So, if it ever seems like I recall past events with too much goodness, remind me about this post.  Maybe it will help jog my memory a bit more and remind me of at least some of the accompanying trials and challenges during those years of marriage, love, and life during medical school.  And maybe then my memories will be a bit more realistic, and hopefully helpful in some small way.

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