Saturday, July 9, 2011

suddenly Saturday isn't really Saturday any more

Today was... another day.  A day like any other day.  A day like every other day.  My husband had the day off today, but we still haven't seen him.  He rode in a bike race - a long one.  He is still not home.

Why is it that after all of these years in medical training that I still expect my burden to be lightened when my husband returns home... I don't know.  Because, really, it isn't, even in the slightest sense of the notion, ever.  Residency demands a lot - physically, mentally, and emotionally.  He comes home after long hours, for a brief respite before returning to the hospital for more.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my husband to pieces, and I know that he loves me.  In fact, I am quite convinced that this is the reason I cannot wait to see him each day.  But, sometimes I need my burden to be lightened.  Desperately.  Sometimes I need more than just to see him, to get a sweet kiss, to exchange hellos.  Sometimes I need him to enter the room to see my frazzled self with pleading eyes looking at him and have him say, "I'll watch the kids while you go for a run."

Sometimes when he has a day off, my husband can tell that I need a break.  And sometimes he does offer to watch the kids for me while I go on a run.

But, why am I perseverating on this today?  Usually, he works on Saturdays.  Usually, he works every Saturday.  Why should I bemoan his not being home, when I am totally and completely used to him not being home on Saturdays... even if I know he is biking?

Sometimes I look forward so much to the days that my husband has off work - particularly when it is a Saturday.  I don't know why.  This may be pre-programmed.  Saturdays should be different, right?  Fun and carefree, full of excitement and adventure, and lots of sunshine - maybe I haven't left my college mentality behind.

I think I need to take my own advice, advice that I have given to many residents' wives, to have no expectations.

Or, maybe I need to become a grown-up - finally - and accept that Saturdays aren't any different than all the other days of the week.

Or... maybe I should enter a race, one that goes from 5 a.m. until 11 p.m. at night.  Would that make one of my Saturdays any better?  I highly doubt it.  Plus, I would dread it for months beforehand.

As I delved into my self pity and started reading one of my favorite sites, I found a link to a great article, Making Time, posted on Outside Mom.  It gave me a lot to think about.


Wife of a Resident said...

I could have written that post. What day is today anyway?

Lindsey said...

Liz... Saturdays SHOULD be Saturdays, they should be full of adventure and family and husbands... I guess just not at this point in time. Someday you will get your Saturdays back... :) I'm so glad my husbands version of residency is more like College!

So what did you think of that article anyway? I love it, I've read it several time. You need a mom vacation!