My husband received the results, the ones that we had been anxiously waiting for... he was offered a fellowship spot in the only program he applied to... which means... he will train for an additional year.
I wept silently for two days, and a few times found myself sobbing while driving in my minivan, sunglasses covering my eyes.
But, I had planned for this! I had hoped for this! An additional year of specialization? A huge addition to his resume? A more attractive candidate for openings in his field? Yes, of course! We had both thought this would be wise, reasonable, and just a tiny bit easy... I mean, what is one more year after we have dedicated the last twelve years (including this year, which just began in July) to my husband's career...? Really. I was even praying that he would be offered the fellowship - if it was the best thing for our family, that is.
Unfortunately, during the past several weeks I began to realize often that without the fellowship my husband would be finished... and I allowed myself to daydream possible, brief, lovely glimpses into what (I thought) life might be like if my husband actually completed his training and began practicing medicine in nine months.
Was this a mistake?
Don't do that.
And just be happy in the moment, and don't live (spend money) like you think you will be living (or can spend money) beyond the moment that you are in.
And don't use a credit card. Just don't.
(Oh yes, I began to think - quite regularly - "Nine months? I can pay all this off in nine months!")
Yes, don't do that.
I guess, it's all a process. And hopefully we learn from our mistakes. And I am happy about the fellowship now. I have wrapped my head around it, I guess.