Okay, things are not going so well... hence the lack of posts lately. I guess I have to be pretty happy and "with it" to post something interesting (well, relatively interesting) on here. I'm sure some people have noticed my posts are becoming fewer and farther in between. Or maybe no one has noticed...?
My emotions seem to be enjoying the roller coaster they have been on since my husband lost a close friend a month ago. His world changed drastically, instantly, as did his friendships, personal goals, deepest held beliefs, and priorities. It has been excruciating to watch from the outside, and sometimes even more painful to peer inside his world and gain a greater sense of what his world is like, his day to day associations, frustrations, coping mechanisms, and consequential experiences. Sometimes I wish I could just crawl back under my little rock and be ignorant of all that he deals with daily, of how he depends on others besides me for emotional support and happiness, and how much he is changing, growing, learning - without me.
Or maybe I am just envious of the support system he has created for himself... and wonder why I don't have one similar in my own little sphere? I have a wonderful support system, but still rely heavily - no, enormously - on my husband for emotional support... and much of my happiness depends on him, and maybe it is just too much.
Whatever I am dealing with here, I feel an urgency to figure out how to snap out of it. I can't accept the general idea that it is impossible to be happy to be married to a physician (unless you are one?? - except for the sparse comments in the "thoughts on being married to a doctor" tab that assure that it is possible... with great effort...?)
I'll let you know what I discover - hopefully soon - unless someone already has this figured out...