Although I am 32-years old and have four children, I think I may have made a huge leap in my level of maturity last week: I have decided that it is not just about me.
So, a little confession here: I am naturally Extremely Selfish, not just the Normal Selfish. During the past ten years, I have often wondered if having children has made me less or more so. But, until last week, I had never really tried to change major behaviors to actually prevent myself from being so selfish, and focus on others' needs before my own.
Phew. Honestly, it's embarrassing how long it has taken me to get to this point.
It started with me deciding that I would make Feeding My Husband a top priority. (I read this book forever ago when we were first married and actually liked some of her ideas, although I've never listened to her speak, or read her other books.) So, I have been waking up at 5:15 a.m. for the past 10 days (excluding Sunday) to make breakfast and lunch for my husband. I have also made sure that dinner was ready as soon as he walked in the door each night.
Let me pause here, for effect.
The first day that I woke up at 5:15 a.m., I exercised and showered BEFORE my kids woke up. It was so completely wonderful that I decided that I would continue this behavior so that I could be completely focused on my kids all day, rather than on me-exercising-and-showering-some-time-before-6:30 p.m.-when-daddy-gets-home (my two goals every day for the past 8 years). (I have attempted to exercise early in the morning since having 2+ kids before, but have never continued it for more than 3 or 4 days.)
I don't think I have ever been so exhausted in my life. I am falling asleep almost anywhere. I can't blog any more because I can hardly brush my teeth before falling into bed at night. I haven't answered e-mails in weeks. I feel more forgetful than when I was pregnant with my fourth baby.
my kids are happier, my husband is happier, and I think I feel less selfish, (my brain is a little too delirious to actually think about how much it is currently focused on itself), but I am also happier.
Now I just need to learn to go to bed at 9:00 p.m. every. single. night. no. exceptions.