So, did anyone read one of the latest comments under the tab "thoughts on being married to a doctor'? Oh my, it was quite disconcerting. Here it is:
My surgeon husband of 12 years
just made himself a "free agent" when he cheated on me and our three
kids with a gal 12 years his junior. 1.5 years later they are still
"dating", divorce has been painfully drug out and our kids are
suffering. For a man who couldn't be counted on to pick up the kids
from school once a week on his 1\2 day of work, he sure has found a ton
of time to take multiple vacations with his new gal. Great payback for
my support during residency and multiple moves. My point...it has been
very very hard on me and our kids for him to attain the skills he has
now. They think highly enough of themselves, don't add to their ego.
They are not God. Love and support them just as you would if your
husband was a carpenter. Do not put up with bad behavior at any stage
of a relationship. He gets worshipped every day at work. Please don't
add to that grandious ego. And, for anyone "dating" a married doctor.
Take a breath, stop and think, is it worth destroying so many lives so
you can step in and take the rewards after someone else does the hard
work? Its not only adultry..it is theft.
So, the author packs a lot in that little comment, but makes a few really good points. The one I want to focus on is how upset she seems in the comment. It made me think, how would I react if my husband left me after the 12 years of sacrifice our family has experienced during his training. What if he ran after some young, naive, beautiful girl and spent all of his money, energy, and (newly acquired but absent previously) spare time on... her.
Maybe I am just too tired... but I honestly don't think I would be upset about these years. I mean, looking beyond the fact that I would feel very betrayed and extremely sad - but focusing on whether I would regret the 11 years that I feel I have given to my husband's training, and to him. I think this is because these years really have been good years.
I really have been happy.
Another doctor's wife told me that once, that I would look back at these years and think, 'those were the best years!' She even went as far as saying that they were 'the best years of her and her husband's life'. ('What?!' I thought at the time? 'How could she be old enough to have forgotten... all of this?!' - and we hadn't even touched a tip of the iceberg during that conversation which occurred almost 10 years ago.) But, these years of being poor, sacrificing for each other and for others around us, and living a simple life, really are enjoyable years. Plus, the baby, toddler, and youth ages are so precious - that might have something to do with my fond memories of these years...
Regardless of what has contributed to the goodness during these extremely busy, sometimes painful, challenging, gruesome years, I think it has been worth it, regardless of the possibility that it may not turn out like I envision it will (or should).
I think this attitude is extremely healthy, but my husband hasn't left me... and things could change my attitude quickly, I realize. But, I truly and deeply hope that I will never be put to that test... My heart goes out to you, Anonymous.